Hear me
by xliquidskiesx
Summary: Out of sight, out of mind? Ryan and Marissa broke up, but are both of them able to move on? The same goes for Seth and Summer....our fantastic four aren't so fantastic anymore. But what happened to them?
1. Prologue & a call

Welcome to my story:

Hear me …

_This is the first fanfic I wrote. Especially in English.  
I'm from Austria and my mother tongue is German. I've been learning English now for 8 years in school. So hopefully it's not that bad. So be gracious.  
As I love music (I think that music expresses feelings very good) don't be surprised if I use lyrics from songs_

_Concerning the writing style…  
"…" dialogue between people  
'…' person's thoughts  
change of point of view, or scene_

_I don't own any of the characters. So here we go…. California here we come_

**Chapter 1 – Prologue & a call**

The fanfic takes place in the future. All of our great foursome are attending college.

Ryan and Seth are still best friends…yeah you can say they are now like real brothers. Seth and Summer broke up. He's further loves comics… he took courses in drawing and he's very talented. Yeah his dream is to publish own comics.

Summer broke up with Seth. Now she's with a guy called Jake. Her dream is to get an own fashion company. She's totally into this fashion thing. She's at a designing school. (hmm.. hopefully this school exists in real…whatever)

Yeah Sandy and Kirsten are still together.  
As well as Caleb and Julie, they got further children. Twins: Chelsea and Gabe. Yeah and Caitlin does exist too

Ryan studies architecture. He wants to become (oh what a wonder) an architect.

Marissa started an interior designer study. But her dream is the same like summers: an own fashion company. But her mother said if she will study something like designing, something with no future, they won't pay her the school. Julie accepted Marissa's next idea – an interior designer study.

Our heroes will come home for summer.

Riiing..  
Voice: "Uhm…hi?"  
Seth: "Hey Ryan."  
Ryan: "Hey Seth. What's going on?"  
Seth: "Uhm…not that much. I wanted to know when you will come home."  
Ryan: "Hm... I think we will be there tomorrow at 5 pm, is that ok?"  
Seth: "Yeah that's great…but what do you mean with WE?"  
Ryan: "(smiles)...You will see it tomorrow."  
Seth: "Heeeey you can't do this to me…you know Cohen means the same like curiosity."  
Ryan: "too bad for you - so see you tomorrow."  
Ryan hung up and smiled

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_I know it was very short…and till now not that much happened… but it's only the beginning of the story.  
Go ahead and read Chapter Two!_


	2. The home coming

**Chapter 2 - or the homecoming**

Summer looked at her watch…  
Jake was late.

She thought about the next week. She was going to visit her Dad in good old Newport. Marissa promised to come, too. She was happy to see her again, but she was afraid to see Seth again.  
'He won't be there...whatever... you are going to see your family and Marissa..nooo one else' she thought to herself.

Marissa and Summer talked a lot on the phone during the last months. First they wanted to attend the same college, but Julie didn't allowed Marissa to "waste her time with a study without a future". Summer wondered herself that Julie wanted Marissa to be independent from men and have a good job. She had always the impression that Julie only wants her daughter to marry a rich man…like she herself did. Whatever.

Summers thoughts were interrupted by Jake. He was out of breath.  
"Darling I'm soo sorry. I know I'm too late. But I have a something for you." Jake said.  
He gave her a bouquet of red roses and had a bright smile on his face.  
"Are you mad at me?" he asked and made puppy dog eyes.  
"How I could be mad at you….these flowers are beautiful. Thank you. But now we have to hurry up."

Marissa was packing her things.

'I'm going to visit my crazy Mom….and that voluntary…Am I crazy? I must be insane.' she thought.  
She enjoyed the time away from home, but she really looked forward to come home.  
She didn't really know why, maybe it was the fact that she was staying only for a week.  
She wanted to see her sister again, but not her mother. Not after all what happened.  
But she really looked forward to be in Newport and to see Summer again. She was curious to meet Jake; Summer told her so much about him.

'I always thought that Seth and Sum were meant to be…but she thought the same about me and Ryan… but obviously we both thought wrong', she thought sadly to herself.

'Good old Newport I'm coming', with this she closed her suitcase and closed the door behind her.

Seth was waiting at the airport. "Man…Ryan's always late…" he said to himself.

"I'm not always late. Just today…I'm sorry."

"RYAN!" Seth gave him a brother-hug. "No problem, I wasn't waiting that long…just about 30 MINUTES." he said sarcastically.

Ryan looked guilty at Seth.

"Just kidding…it were only 25 minutes."

Suddenly a women from behind came with a suitcase.

"Ok I'm ready. They found my suitcase. We can go." the woman said

"Oh hi. I'm Eliza but you can call me Liz." she said to Seth

"Oh hi I'm Seth…Seth Co.." he said but was cut off by her

"Oh yeah he told me about you, you are the funny guy…err...I mean his brother, right?" she gave him a big smile

"Yeah…" Seth answered. Seth looked confused at Ryan...but he only smiled at him.

Seth, Ryan and Liz drove home from the airport.

At the Cohen's  
Sandy and Kirsten were sitting in the living room.  
The door opened and Seth, Ryan and Liz entered.

"Hey honeys!" Kirsten said and gave them a hug.

"Hey kiddo! How was your flight and the ride with Seth?" Sandy asked

"What do you want to say with that… you know that I'm an excellent driver."

"Yeah and I'm the emperor of china." Ryan said and smirked

"Oh and who's this?" Sandy looked at Liz

"This is...err... Liz…my...girlfriend."

"Ohhhhh..." Sandy and Kirsten said at the same time and exchanged looks.  
"Hi, nice to meet you." They both said friendly.

"Thank you…nice to meet you too." Liz answered putting on one of her best smiles

Awkward silence... they all stood in the living room and didn't know what to do or say. A really awkward situation... the typical girlfriend-meets-parents-situation

"Err...Ryan I help you with the suitcases." Seth said..

"Uhm...Ok." Ryan shrugged  
They both took the cases and went in the direction of the pool house.

"So would you like to drink something?" Sandy asked Liz

"Yeah ice-tea would be great."

"Sure" Sandy went to the fridge, opened it and grabbed the ice tea

"So you're together with Ryan..." Kirsten said, trying to break the awkward silence

Meanwhile in the pool house  
Seth and Ryan stored the suitcases.

"So I thought this would be just you and me this week….We haven't seen so long. I mean we talked on the phone a lot, by the way why you didn't tell me about Liz...and how long this is going on between you two..?" Seth asked

"Seth are you jealous of my girlfriend? You will see we have enough time for us the next week. And by the way, you really have to get a girlfriend"

"Dude...don't ever mention the word GIRLFRIEND this week..."

"Ok…Ok…after the whole Summer thing.." Ryan said.

"AND DON'T EVER MENTION SUMMER THIS WEEK." Seth got in rage...

Ryan just nodded

"So tell me about Liz." Seth said after he had calmed down a bit

"Well.." Ryan started and talked with Seth about Liz for a while.

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_Hope you liked it and go on reading with Chapter 3_


	3. The Airport Thing

**Chapter 3 - or the airport-thing**

Marissa was waiting at the airport of Newport. She was waiting for Summer and Jake.

'I'm too early…Sum will come in 30 minutes…I think it's time for coffee' she thought to herself and looked around.  
Newport's airport hasn't changed. She remembered clearly the last time she was here. Sad memories came back to her mind...

---------Flashback---------  
Her mother, her siblings and Summer were there. They all were saying "Goodbye" to her. It was the day she was going to leave for college. Normally she should be happy, she got the chance to get away from Julie Cooper, but she was everything but not happy.

Summer was crying… so was Marissa.  
But they both cried because of different reasons.

Summer cried because of her leaving – the leaving of her best friend.  
Marissa cried…because of…Ryan.

No Ryan was here to say goodbye to her. No Ryan was here to tell her that she hasn't to be afraid of the future…no Ryan here to tell her that everything will work out for them and that he will miss her.  
---------End Flashback---------

'I can understand him… I mean I wouldn't come to say goodbye too. Not after that what I've done to him.' She thought sadly.  
'No I can't deal with that now…'  
She shook off the thoughts of the past and looked out for a coffee shop.

few minutes later  
"A coffee please..." She was looking for her purse in her bag.  
Suddenly she saw a familiar figure.  
'Seth?...what is he doing here? Summer and he broke up… do I have missed something?' she shrugged and took a sip of her coffee.

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_That was Chapter Three...go on reading with Chapter Four. Hopefully you liked this Chapter.._


	4. The Invitation

**Chapter 4 – or the invitation**

She couldn't help. She wanted to know what Seth was doing here. She looked again in the direction of Seth. Suddenly she saw another familiar figure.  
"No…that can't be true…he's here too." she said to herself.  
Marissa couldn't help she had to look at Ryan and smile.

Her smile suddenly froze.

A woman appeared besides Ryan. She kissed him. She was obviously his new girlfriend.  
Marissa's eyes filled with tears. 'Why are you crying? Did you think that he would love you after all you've done? Did you think he won't move on? Silly you!' Marissa thought sadly.  
"I've got to get away…" she turned around and walked away… the tears running down her cheeks.

shortly after  
Summer arrived at the airport.

"Cooooop" she nearly screamed, when she saw her best friend

"Summmm" now Marissa was nearly screaming. They both hugged and giggled.

'Women…'was Jake's only thought. He stood besides Summer and watched the scene.

"You two are now finished with this Hello-scene? By the way it was funny to watch" he said and smirked.

"Ohh…Coop this is Jake." Summer introduced him.

"You are Jake…Sum told me much about you." Marissa smiled.

"Oh...did she? Hopefully only good things." He looked to Summer.

"Sure" Marissa added smiling.

Later at the Cooper-Nichol Mansion  
Summer and Jake visited Marissa. They were laying at the swimming pool.

"Sum can I talk to you…alone?" Marissa asked seriously.

"Uhm.." Summer looked at Jake. Jake understood. This was going to be a girls-talk.

"Oh…err...I think I have forgotten something in the car... I will be right back."

"Ok…" Summer looked thankful at Jake, who was leaving.

"So… what's going on Coop?"

"Yesterday at the airport I saw…Ryan." Marissa found it would be better not to tell Sum that Seth was with him.

"He's here too? Summer asked.

"Obviously…" Marissa looked sadly and worried.

"I'm so sorry sweetie. I know that's hard for you but I mean… you guys could talk? I think this could be a chance to sort things out."

"Are you kidding? Do you think he will talk to me? And besides that…he's not alone. His girlfriend is with him." Marissa looked away.

Even if Marissa looked away, Summer saw that she was hurt.  
"You still love him, do you?"

Marissa only looked away. Summer had her answer.

"It doesn't matter Sum. He's over me."

"I understand. We will have a happy week at the Nichol-mansion. So you don't have to meet him." Summer suggested.

"That's sweet, but have you forgotten the invitation? Luke invited us to his birthday-party at Las Vegas. And you're right I can't look myself away just because of Ryan. And I mean probably our new-happy-couple won't be out often…you know what I mean" Marissa wanted to sound sarcastic but she didn't.

"Coop…don't hurt yourself more…don't think of them… we don't have to go to Las Vegas. Luke will understand." Summer told her.

"Yeah he would… but we're going. We will have fun" Marissa wanted to convince Summer…but she also wanted to convince herself.

"Ok...it's your choice…" Summer replied.  
So they both decided to go packing. Summer and Jake left.

A morning at the Cohen's  
Seth sat in the kitchen. Sandy and Kirsten ate Bagels. Sandy was reading the newspaper. A typical morning. Ryan came into the kitchen. He looked sleepy.

"Oh…looks if someone didn't get much sleep." Seth smirked.

Ryan gave him "the look".

"Do you want a bagel Sweetie?" Kirsten asked.

"Mom you can't call him Sweetie when his girlfriend is here, that's embarrassing." Seth said.

"Oh…I'm sorry. I've forgotten that I'm the embarrassing Mom." Kirsten replied.

Liz entered the kitchen.

"Good morning all" she said happily.

"Morning" they all replied.

She took a bagel.

"So Ryan when are we leaving tomorrow? You know...the Las Vegas thing. Luke's birthday." Seth asked Ryan.

"Yeah… I think early in the morning would be the best." Ryan suggested.

"You're the boss" Seth replied.

"Soo how is this Luke like?" Liz asked.

"Uhm… he's funny. First I thought he's like this typical spoilt rich kids which is in the water-polo team. Ok, first he, Ryan and me had our problems, but after Ryan and Luke sorted the whole who's-with-Marissa-thing out, it was cool. I mean it was clear that Ryan had to get Marissa…" Seth smiled.

"The whole who's-with-Marissa-thing? Ryan got Marissa? I thought you two were just friends?" Liz looked questioningly at Ryan.

Ryan gave Seth another typical Ryan Atwood "look".  
Sandy, Kirsten and Seth looked at each other and decided that this situation is getting too risky for them.

"Err… I will go upstairs and look after…err…yeah…I go upstairs…cya" and with that Kirsten was out of the kitchen.

"Yeah…I will help Kirsten with wathever she has to do…"and now Sandy was away.

"Err… I can't imagine such a lame excuse like my parents… but I think I will leave the kitchen too…there are too much bad vibrations in here…so I will go packing." And with that Seth went upstairs.

Poolhouse  
"Sooo… what do you have to say to your defence? Liz glared at him.

"I…I…I'm sorry Liz. I thought it would be better. I mean I don't know much about your past…about your ex-boyfriends too." Ryan tried to defend…to explain himself.

"Yeah…but I never said that I was just friends with someone and then suddenly there was more…how could you lie to me…I mean I have no problem with the fact that she's an ex. I have problem with the fact you didn't tell me…you lied to me…" she was sad and angry at the same time. Why he did this?

"I'm really sorry…I thought it would be better not to tell that Marissa and I were more than just friends. Ok, from now on I will be honest." Ryan said.

"Ok… so tell me about this Marissa-thing." Liz wanted to know what there was that he lied to her because of it. She wanted to be a part of his life, so he can't shut her out.

"Well…I came to Newport and met her… (hours later loool he told her about the Luke, Oliver and Theresa-thing). I came back from Chino. I was happy to see her, we had a beautiful time… but then yeah we broke up…Marissa and I… our relationship never lasted long…we always broke up…our relationship never worked out."

"Hmm…and why you broke up the last time?" She asked.

"It didn't work out…that's all you have to know." Ryan knew that he couldn't tell her now about what happened…it hurt too much.

"Ryan…thanks for your honesty." She kissed him. She knew that he hid something from her…but he would tell her, when he's ready to tell her.

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So this was it….I think it was quite long…our story is getting interesting…or what you think?  
_


	5. Viva Las Vegas

**Chapter 5 - or Viva las Vegas!**

It was about 9 am. Marissa, Summer and Jake were at the airport and made their way to the gate. They were late.

"Jake with you I'm always late." Summer was a bit angry. She didn't want to miss the plane.

"I'm sooo sorry…but they said if we hurry up we don't miss our plane…" He tried to rescue the situation.  
The three of them arrived the gate. The plane didn't leave. Yeah they didn't miss it.

At the same time in the plane  
"Why aren't we leaving? Liz asked a stewardess.

"Uhm…some passengers are late. We will wait another 5 minutes." The stewardess replied friendly.

some minutes later  
Marissa, Summer and Jake entered the plane. They were breathing heavily.

"Follow me, please." The stewardess told them.  
They nodded and followed her silently. This was a bit embarrassing, all passengers stared at the three of them as they went to their seats.

"Here are your seats."  
"Thank you" Summer said "Coop do you want to have the window-seat?"

"Yeah please." She replied. Till now she didn't look up…it was embarrassing for her, just because of them the plane was late. And the other passengers knew that.  
She looked up and wanted to go to her seat and there he was.

Ryan.

Ryan talked with Liz. He never enjoyed flying… but he got used to it.Then he heard voices from the front door of the plane.

"Finally the last passengers have arrived…I mean don't they have watches? We all have to wait just because of them" Liz complained.

"Hey… don't get angry… they are now here and we will leave. You will see we will be shortly in Las Vegas." Ryan tried to calm Liz down.

"Yeah funny Las Vegas…this will be awesome." Seth added.

"You guys are right…" Liz said.

The stewardess showed up and behind her the missing passengers. Ryan looked up. There she was.

Marissa.

Ryan  
First Ryan wanted to turn away…pretending he hadn't seen her or she him, but it was too late she looked at him. He could feel her look all over his body.  
He looked back.  
They exchanged an intensive look. He looked right into her beautiful eyes. These eyes he knew so well. He saw this well known Marissa-sparkle in them, like always but he found something other in them too...shock and insecurity. Ryan believed that eyes are a door to the soul.

Marissa  
Marissa couldn't help she had to look at him. She had to look him right in the eyes. It was one of these intense moments, a moment where nothing else mattered, just the two of them.  
These blue eyes, they belonged to Ryan. For how long she missed these eyes and of course the person they belonged to. It was like she drowned in them.  
She looked at them intensely to identify all these glances. First she thought there was happiness in his eyes, but now she could only see hurt and sadness in them.

This made her feel even guiltier. She couldn't stand seeing him in this pain. It hurt her too much. She wanted to apologize for everything, she wanted to ease his pain, but she couldn't say a word... and even she if she could say something... there was nothing she could say to ease the pain.

The Rest  
Seth, Summer, Jake and Liz watched this scene. Summer knew she had to do something. She had to rescue this situation and Marissa.

She was so into helping Marissa that she didn't see Seth, who was sitting right in front of her. But it was better that she didn't recognize him.

"Hi Ryan. You decided to go to Luke's party, too?" What a lame question…it was obviously that he was going to Las Vegas too. But Summer tried to rescue the situation. But it was useless…this was so awkward for all of them.

"Err…yeah we're going too. Yeah" Ryan was back… he escaped out of this "Marissa world".

"So you are Marissa?" Liz knew that she was. But this intensive look made her worry.

"Uhm… yes I'm Marissa and you are?" she asked a bit too friendly.

"…Eliza, but you can call me Liz. I'm Ryan's girlfriend. Nice to meet you." Liz replied and put on her nicest fake smile.  
This was enough for Marissa. She faked a sort of smile and rushed to her seat. The seat right behind Ryan. 'This is going to be a funny flight.' She thought sarcastically.

Summer watched this scene, too and then suddenly she noticed that someone was staring at her. It was Seth. Seth Cohen. She stared back at him.

"So darling do you want to sit in the middle of Marissa and me, or do you want the seat next to the corridor."

'I would like to have the seat next to the corridor…then I can run to the toilet and vomit if you call me darling again' she thought to herself. She didn't liked this nickname and especially not in front of Cohen.  
She suddenly blushed.

Seth still stared at her. She was beautiful, as always and she was with a guy. He hadn't seen her for so long. Yeah the last time he saw her, she broke his heart. And it hadn't healed since then.  
Summer saw this hurt in his eyes. She knew that she had broken his heart and that he hated her for all that. She could understand because she hated herself for doing that all to him. How badly she wanted to turn back time. But she couldn't.

"Summer? Summmer?" Summer heard someone calling her name.

"Do you want the middle seat?" Jake asked again. It was like she was daydreaming he thought.

"Uhm. Yeah…middle seat sounds great." She sat down.

Summer looked at Marissa. Marissa looked out of the window, but Summer could see that she was fighting against tears.  
'Poor Coop' she thought. It wasn't easy for her to sit right behind Ryan. Ryan, the man she hurt and the man she loved.  
'But it's also poor me' she thought. 'My ex who hates me, is sitting in the front row and my actual lover is sitting right next to me and has no clue who Seth is. And if that's not enough we are spending the weekend with him and the ex of my best friend. We should have stayed home.' with that Summer closed her eyes, hoping that the next few days will pass by very fast.

Marissa sat in her seat. Her head felt like he would explode. There were so many emotions going through it and through her whole body. So many thoughts. She had to fight against tears…no she couldn't cry now…not now and not here...and not in the presence of him.

'Be strong Marissa…only this one time…be strong' she told herself.  
She closed her eyes. There it was…the picture of Ryan…his eyes…this look…this painful and hurt look. She opened her eyes quickly…she didn't want to see his picture.  
She breathed heavily in and out. 'Keep cool Marissa'…she repeated this sentence a few times. She calmed down a bit.  
Her thoughts were now a bit more sorted.  
'So his new girlfriend is called Liz. If they are together long?' she couldn't help asking herself this question. It hurt her to see him with another girl and it was hard for her. Something in her had hoped that he wouldn't move on and forget her. But obviously she was wrong.  
'I won't make any problems' she convinced herself.

Her thoughts went back to her last college years. She hadn't had relationships. Yeah she dated guys, but not more.  
So Ryan moved on. 'If I could only talk to him, explain to him and sort things out…but is this possible… to sort everything out? I mean he trusted me and I disappointed him and did the same mistakes once again. How could I have been so naïve.' she thought to herself.  
She knew that she couldn't tell him her little secret. She hadn't told and couldn't tell somebody. She lived with it all these years...

Ryan sat uncomfortable in his seat. He didn't like the thought of Marissa sitting behind him and staring at him or better at them. Liz cuddled up to Ryan.Though Marissa hurt him and broke his heart…something told him it was not right to demonstrate her how happy Liz was with him.

But he also saw that Liz was alarmed…how could he have this intensive look exchanging here… in front of her. What would she think now? But at the moment that didn't matter.  
He thought about Marissa. He thought that these feelings had gone that he got over it…that he could remove these memories. The memories of the week before they broke up.

----------------Flashback---------------------  
Marissa and Ryan were together. They were happy…a happy couple. Julie and Caleb were still married…what nobody had expected.  
Then that new guy came to school. Ryan didn't like him from the beginning. But Marissa had some courses with him and found he was nice, but she also said Ryan that he had no reason to be jealous. That she truly loved him.

Summer & Seth, Ryan & Marissa and Jason (aka the new one) went out together. Ryan noticed that Jason sometimes stared at Marissa and... he didn't like his looks. He seemed dishonest. But Ryan knew that Marissa wasn't going to believe him…she would just say he's jealous and has paranoia.

Ryan saw it coming…it was the same situation like the situation with Oliver…Ok, Jason seemed normal in relation to Oliver but yeah…he really didn't like him.  
But Julie adored Jason and she showed Ryan that Jason would be better for her daughter.  
Ok...With time she accepted Ryan, but Ryan knew that Julie hadn't changed, rich and famous people are always better people for Julie…

One day Ryan visited Marissa at the Nichol-Mansion. Julie opened the door and said that Marissa will come in about 10 minutes. She was having a shower.  
And the time till Marissa would be ready, used Julie to show Ryan that she hadn't changed.  
She talked about Jason and how sweet he was…that she met him and his parents and that he suits perfect in the society of Newport. Ryan knew that this should be a allusion to him never fitting into the society of Newport. That he would never be the right one for Marissa. He thought about that the whole day long. But little did he know that Marissa recognized that something was different, that he seemed to be lost in thoughts a lot lately.  
It hurt her that he obviously was unhappy, but he always told her that he's happy and everything was alright. Did he have not enough trust in her? Did he want to leave her? But about all these thoughts Ryan didn't know.

Then Marissa started to behave weird. She didn't want to go out with Jason or even meet him. Ryan was sure that there was something wrong….and he had the feeling that something happened between them...that they must have hooked up. But he couldn't ask her right in the face…this was too straight even for an Atwood and more important...he was afraid of the answer. If she would say yes…it would destroy everything.  
It would break his heart.  
Marissa recognized that Ryan looked often at her and when she looked at him he looked away. He behaved a bit weird…should she talk to him about that?

It was time for one of Julies well known dinner parties. She prepared everything and it was a Saturday evening. Marissa would leave Sunday for college. But Julie was happy for her…that she made her way. Ok…Julie helped her to get on "the right" way…because for Julie…designing wasn't the right one. So Marissa was going to become an interior designer.  
Ryan came over to Marissa on Saturday afternoon. He couldn't wait longer. He had to ask her, to talk to her.

Ryan remembered detail of that afternoon  
Marissa was beautiful as always…but Ryan found that she behaved insecure…she had this insecurity in her eyes. He knew she faked her smiles.

"Marissa can I talk to you" Ryan asked.

"Sure" She replied a bit nervous. Ryan had a serious tone in his voice.

"What's going on with you and Jason?" Ryan wanted to stay calm….but inside of him it was like a volcano. If…he was going to explode…

"What..what do you mean? She asked innocently.

"You know what I mean…did you two hooked up…or...uhm...more?" Ryan had said it. He felt a bit revealed, but only for a second. He was afraid of her answer. He looked at her…he noticed every look of her every, move her body made…and he noticed her body language. She was nervous.

"No Ryan…there's nothing going on between us Ryan. I love you…and no one else. Believe me. Please" She replied.

Ryan stared at he believe her? He decided to do, he wanted to. He went over to her and kissed her. She kissed back and it ended in a passionate and long kiss.

At night, at the dinner party  
The party was going well... everybody enjoyed it.

Julie had to make an announcement. The evening was beautiful. Summer and Seth danced a lot and were a sweet happy couple. Ryan and Marissa too. Ryan had forgotten about the afternoon. He enjoyed every moment he had with Marissa. Tomorrow she was going to leave for college. It was going to be hard for them both...

Then Julie went up the stage and got the micro.  
"1,2,3 test..test."  
"So I thank you all for coming. We are celebrating the last day in Newport of my sweet daughter Marissa. Tomorrow she's leaving for college and she should know that we all will miss her.  
One of my children is leaving and another one is coming home. Caitlin honey…welcome home...I'm sooo happy that you are here." Julie said.  
Caitlin entered the room and everyone smiled. Marissa hugged her little sister. She was happy to meet her again.

"Err…I'm not finished… I have two surprises. The first one: Me and Caleb are proud to tell you that I'm pregnant. We are sooo happy." Julie smiled brightly rubbing her belly.

Everyone was clapping but also astonished. Kirsten had to take a big sip of her wine. She couldn't believe what she was hearing….she will get a step-sibling. Her dad and Julie will get a child... the devilish pair will get a child…that was too much at the moment.

"So it's time for the second surprise. I'm happy to announce that my beautiful daughter Marissa is in love with one of the sweetest guys in Newport. I saw them kissing and I'm so happy for Marissa and…"

Marissa looked Ryan happily in the eyes. Her mum accepted Ryan...finally.  
Ryan looked at Marissa and they both were just happy. Julie accepted him...

"…Jason" Julie continued.

Marissa's smile froze. And Ryan's heart broke.

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_So this was a veeeery long post. A bit of the past of Marissa and Ryan is now more clear.  
So hope you enjoyed reading. _


	6. Viva Las Vegas II

**Chapter 6 - or Viva las Vegas II**

This is now a sort of second part of the Flashback from the last post.  
We are in the past…and now we are like somebody outstanding watching the scene…so you get all actions not only the Ryan related ones…  
To get into it, here are the last few sentences of chapter 5:

"So it's time for the second surprise. I'm happy to announce that my beautiful daughter Marissa is in love with one of the sweetest guys in Newport. I saw them kissing and I'm so happy for Marissa and…"

Marissa looked Ryan happily in the eyes. Her mum accepted Ryan...finally.  
Ryan looked at Marissa and they both were just happy. Julie accepted him...

"…Jason" Julie continued.

Marissa's smile froze. And Ryan's heart broke.

Ryan glared at Marissa. Didn't she tell him that there was nothing going on between Jason and her? How could she do something like this to him?  
Ryan stood up, he couldn't take that now. He just wanted to get to his car to escape. Yeah escape was the right word for it. This whole event seemed so unreal to him and he hoped that he would wake up and realize that this was just a nightmare.  
His head was full of questions. He suddenly had something like a headache…his head ached because of all these questions that only she could answer. But he couldn't take talking to her right now.  
His whole body was trembling because of his emotions. These emotions that flow through his body.He didn't really knew what he was feeling, it was a mixture of anger, pain, hurt and sadness.

All he knew was that he had to get away...

-----now Marissa's point of view:----  
Marissa looked right at him…she knew what he was thinking.

For her it was like she could hear his heart breaking…and with that hers was broken too.  
She felt like this wasn't real…no this couldn't be real…

'Marissa wake up...' she thought.

No it wasn't a dream…or a nightmare - it was reality, the hurtful reality.  
But before she could explain everything to Ryan he ran away.

He ran away from her. She ran after him… she knew that he was going to leave…and she had to stop him. She screamed desperately Ryan's name. Again and again. But he didn't stop running.  
Tears were running down Marissa's face. She didn't cared what people would think of what happened. She didn't care about how these tears were ruining her make-up. Her only thought was Ryan.  
She was so desperate…what should she do? What could she do to stop him?  
She reached the entrance of the Nichol Mansion. Ryan's car was standing in the parking area in the front garden.

"Ryan…please wait…let me explain everything." she yelled desperately, her vioce nearly cracking.

"...to explain what? That you lied to me? That you told me there was nothing going on? Too bad for you that your Mom saw everything. Can you believe it...it's the first time that i'm thankful to Julie. How long would you have hide this from me? Marissa…how could you do that? I can't even look at you…I never want to see you again. Never." It was hard for Ryan to say this…but it was that what he was thinking right now. He gave her one last look full of hurt and anger, then he turned round.

Marissa was speechless…this made her cry even more. She didn't care, she let flow all these tears that were burning inside of her.  
A soft "Ry.." was everything that she was able to say, before her voice broke.  
In the mean time Ryan had turned the engine on and drove away angrily.

---The view of the others..---  
Everybody was shocked. Ryan ran away and Marissa ran after him. A typical Newport drama...

Only Seth, Summer, Sandy and Kirsten understood... what that really meant.  
Julie went to Sandy and Kirsten.

"What…what was this right now…what is wrong?" Julie was shocked. How could her daughter ruin this evening?

"You ask what is wrong? You can't be that stupid, or? I mean Julie you've ruined the relationship of your daughter. One day before she's leaving for college…that happened. Well done, well done Julie." Sandy said sarcastically and clapped twice.  
Kirsten gave him a look, but she knew that he was right… Julie couldn't be that stupid.Or?

Seth and Summer ran after Ryan and Marissa. They witnessed the whole scene.  
When they reached the entrance they just found a hysterically crying Marissa. Ryan was obviously gone.

Summer ran to Marissa and took her into her arms. She tried everything to comfort her..

Marissa's whole body was shaking because of her heavy crying.  
Summer looked at Marissa, she felt a bit helpless.

"Sum..tell..me..that..this..is..just a..nightmare. And..I..will..wake..up..every..moment" Marissa said under heavy sobs.

"Oh..Coop. Shh...It will be ok. Everything will sort out, it will be ok."

Marissa got out of the hug. She looked at her with tears in her eyes. Marissa's look frightend Summer. Her look was empty..no it wasn't empty...there was a hurt glance in it. And that was even worse than just an empty look.

"How can you say that it will be ok? I'm leaving tomorrow and my world fell apart tonight... nothing will be alright... nothing" she broke down in Summer's arms again.

Summer couldn't reply something to that. She knew that Marissa was right. Nothing would be ok. She took Marissa into her arms again.

Seth was looking at them both.  
'What a night' he thought.

After a while Marissa stopped crying. Seth gave her a handkerchief.

"Thanks.." she nearly said inaudible.

Marissa felt empty, powerless and tired.  
She thought about this evening...

'As always my Mom ruined everything.' She thought.

And with that thought her strenght came back. No her mother wasn't getting away with that. Never...

Marissa stood up immediately and ran into the house.

She left Seth and Summer standing in the entrance of the house.

"We should go after her…sweetie. When she does that what I'm thinking of... than we better follow her." Seth suggested.

"You think…?" Summer gave Seth a worried look

"Yeah I think…" Seth answered.

"Ok let's go!" Summer replied shortly and started to run. Seth followed her.

---  
The guests at the party talked about what had happened. Julie was sitting at the table of Sandy and Kirsten. Caitlin and Caleb sat there too.

Suddenly an angry and furious Marissa entered the room. She looked across the room... ah there she found who she was looking for.

"Are you crazy?" Marissa started to yell at Julie.

Julie looked at her in shock, but that didn't impressed Marissa. She just glared at her and went on:

"I wonder if you could sleep at night 'Mom'" Marissa said sarcastically.  
"How could you call yourself a mother? You're sooo selfish. The one daughter you send off to boarding school... and the other one you want to put into a mental institution. Just don't deal with their problems. Noo...just go on living in your perfect world of illusion. All you can do is destroying other people's lives. Especially mine. Have you ever recognized that you know nothing about me and my life? This action today was too much even for Julie Nichol. You saw Ryan and me here tonight... we were in love and... you knew we were together and that we didn't broke up, so why are you doing this?  
But you know what... you've done a good job. I mean I've really thought that after all that what Ryan and I went through... that you finally accepted him. But obviously I was soo wrong. You can congrats yourself Julie. You destroyed...no better... you screwed up my life once again." Marissa looked at Julie satisfied. It felt soo good to tell her that all.

"Yeah. Blame me.. but honey.." Julie replied cold "..you kissed Jason not I. You can congrats yourself"

"You know what…have you ever thought about that things are not always like that what they seem to be... Ah just forget it..But it was clear that you did this tonight. You want Jason to be with me... because he's more the society's darling. He would have suit perfect into Julie Nichol's perfect world of illusion. All you think about is what other people think about you. The "high society" is the most important thing for you. Julie Nichol herself and her image is the most important thing for you."

She gave her mother a last glance full of hate and turned away, when she realized that everyone was staring at her and Julie in shock.

"What are you looking at? You just have heard something about the real Julie Nichol. Or better you just saw the real Julie Cooper-Nichol in action. I think the party is over. Good night folks" She took a glass of champagne from a tablet and went upstairs.

---  
Julie sat there in silence. Her face looked a bit shocked, but also cold. It seemed that she was more upset about the end of the party than about the drama itself.

Sandy and Kirsten were shocked too. They never saw Marissa acting like this. They never saw her sooo furious and desperate at the same time. But they knew that she was right. Julie was always like this and she wouldn't change. And they knew that this evening would change everything.

---  
"Do you think that Julie was right…that they were kissing?" Kirsten whispered to Sandy.

"I don't know exactly…but I think that there must be something behind it…what did Marissa mean with 'Things are not always that what they seem to be'?" Sandy replied in whisper.

"Whatever…I think we should go home. This party is over." Kirsten whispered back.

"Yeah, but can we just leave? I mean wouldn't this be rude?" he asked her.

There was silence at the table of Julie, Caleb, Catilin, Sandy and Kirsten.  
"JuJu…darling. I think we should end the party." Caleb broke the silence. He took her hand.

"Yeah…you're right. Marissa will calm down." Julie answered.

All the guests were leaving the dinner party. Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Summer were driving home.

Seth and Summer did see the conversation…or better the fight between Julie and Marissa.

"Do you think that Ryan drove home?" Summer looked at Seth.

"Hmm… I hope so." He replied.

"Yeah…so do we." Kirsten and Sandy said.

They were on the way to the Cohen's house. Ryan's car was here. The four went to the Pool house.

"Ryan….can I come in?" Seth asked from outside the pool house.

"Leave me alone!" Ryan yelled.

"Ok...wront time..I see.." Seth shrugged.

"Err…I think we should give him time." Sandy suggested. The rest of the four only nodded silently.

---  
Summer and Seth went upstairs to Seth's room.

"Coop is going to leave for college tomorrow…I mean this will be horrible for her…I don't think that Ryan will come or..?" Summer said.

"After all what happened tonight? Nah.. I don't think so. We will have to go alone with her to the airport. But I think she needs us right now…and Ryan will need us,too."

"Yeah you're right Seth. She needs us and he needs us. She didn't even want to open up the door... I told her that I won't let her stay alone tonight, that I'm worried about her. But she only told me to go home…that everything is alright…that she just needs some sleep and forget tonight. Poor Coop. Everything is so messed up."

"Yeah…but poor Ryan too. I will look after him in an hour. Hopefully he opens the door. Summer... did Marissa tell you something about this kiss? Was there this kiss?" Seth looked at her.

"No…really I don't know anything about that." She replied.

"But Seth…" Summer looked Seth seriously in the eye

"Uhmm?" He looked worried…Summer had her serious look in the eye. That couldn't mean something good.

"I'm so happy to have you. The events of tonight showed me that I shouldn't take our good relationship for granted. I mean I'm so glad that our relationship is not…yeah not so complicated like Ryan's and Marissa's. I really love you, Seth Cohen." Summer had now a smile on her face.

"God…you frightened me…your serious look." Seth replied.

"COHEN?" Summer hit him playfully.

"Let me finish Summer…don't always interrupt me. And besides that…it hurts when you hit me, did you ever think about that? So let's come to the important things: Summer I really love you too. I loved you for so long before we even talked with each other. I will always love you, because for me you are the best thing I ever had and have in my life. And god, I really appreciate it that our relationship is not that complicated like Ryan's and Marissa's." Seth finished the last words and Summer kissed him passionately.

It felt so good to have Seth at her side. The same thing thought Seth. If someone had ever told him, when Ryan arrived in Newport years ago, that he will be together with Summer in the future he would have laughed out loud. But now he was with this beautiful, strong and sweet girl. They both ended up on the bed…making out.

---  
Ryan sat in the pool house. He couldn't deal with Seth and the rest of them at the moment. He couldn't even deal with himself and his own thoughts.

All he could think of was Marissa and how she could betray him like that. Not only betray him also lie to him like that.  
He couldn't help he had to image Marissa and this Jason making out. His heart ached like someone had it in his hand and squeezed it hard. Yeah this someone was definitely Marissa.  
Ryan had so many questions.

'Why she did this? Didn't I make her happy? Was there something she was missing? I knew this guy will make trouble…I knew it and couldn't do nothing.'... that was what hurt him the most. He felt the same like years ago. The Oliver-story.

Ryan laid down on the bed. His thoughts went back to the events of tonight. He replayed this whole day in slow motion.  
He felt happy when Julie said "I saw them kissing and I'm so happy for Marissa and…" he thought that Julie finally accepted him.  
He looked at Marissa and she looked happy too. She had an amorous look in her eyes.

'How she could fake such a look. How could she…'. Ryan had tears in his eyes. He didn't want to cry and at the moment he didn't want to see her again, even if he loved her so much.  
'Yeah…that's the problem…I love her so much that I opened up and was vulnerable. And the only one that could hurt me, hurt me. She hurt me the second time. How could she let me down like everyone else.' He thought desperately.

---  
Marissa sat in her room. She looked it up. Julie didn't dare to knock on the door. Marissa sat on the ground and rested her body against the wall. She sat there like a little girl.. a little, lost girl.  
She wore her beautiful black dress from the dinner party. Her make up was destroyed... she had cried so much in the last hours. She now felt empty and numb. There were no tears left to cry. In her desperation she turned to one of her "friends" - a vodka bottle. Her best friend at the moment. The bottle was nearly empty.

'Yeah…and tomorrow I will leave Newport for college. And I will leave him without speaking to him.. he won't speak with me..he hates me now. I was so stupid...stupid me!' she thought.

She took another sip of her vodka... it was the only thing that helped her now. She couldn't talk to someone. She wasn't able and no one would understand it.  
Yeah vodka was the only real thing that made her pain go away for at least the next few hours. And there was a lot of pain. She liked it how her body felt numb from this vodka. It was now 4.00 am. She hadn't slept a bit and she knew that she wasn't going to sleep much this night.

The next day Marissa woke up and her head ached like hell. That headache made her realize that last night events were all real. The memories came flodding back.

_She lost the one she loved the most and the one she will love forever._

She got up, took a pill against her headache and got dressed automatically. She opened up her drawer. She took a photo of her and Ryan out of it. She put the picture in her handbag. Then she left the room.

Downstairs her sister Caitlin, Summer, Caleb and Julie were waiting. She ignored Julie completely. They drove silent to the airport.  
There Seth and the Cohen's were waiting. Everybody was waiting there except Ryan. He wasn't there.

'What do you have thought Marissa..that he will be here after all what happened last night. Silly you...' Marissa thought sadly.

She hugged everyone except her mother and Summer started to cry. She knew that this was soo hard for Marissa and that she couldn't help her.  
Seth and Summer hugged Marissa and Seth said: "I asked him... he didn't want to come.. I'm soo sorry...but you know he loves you. We all know...give him time and be strong. Summer and I know it's hard... and if you need us, just call... we will be there in a few hours, Ok?" Seth looked at her.

"Yeah.. thank you...you two are so amazing. I'm so happy that I have friends like you two." she said sincerely. She really felt thankful for having them.

Then she went to her gate. Yeah she would have to be strong.

'This time, time won't heal Ryan's wounds... he won't forgive me this. No way.' She thought with tears in her eyes.

-----------End Flashback---------------------  
Ryan sat in his seat and closed his eyes.

"Honey don't sleep. Talk to me." Liz kissed him on the cheek.

Ryan opened up his eyes and shook the thought about the past out of his mind. He was now with Liz here... he won't live in the past. What happened happened. Just don't think about it right now.

_------------------------------------------------------------------  
Let's see what funny things happen in Las Vegas. This will be a funny trip. R&R_


	7. A Funny Night Out In Vegas

**Chapter 7 – or A funny night out in Las Vegas**

Our heroes landed in Las Vegas and drove in separate cars (rented cars) to the Hotel… yeah let's say the Palms Hotel. Luke has reserved rooms for everyone.

They meet Luke in the lobby of the hotel.

---At the lobby---  
Luke was waiting for his friends to arrive. He hadn't seen them for so long. He heard that Ryan would come with his new girlfriend. Luke didn't know what he should think of that. One the one side he was curious to get to know "the new one", but on the other side he was bit afraid too. Because of Marissa, Summer told him about what happened between her and Ryan. How would she take it, that Ryan was here with his new girlfriend?

'If inviting them both was a good idea? They both staying at the same hotel.. hopefully this will cause no trouble/drama.' he thought to himself or better he prayed for that..

"Hey Luke are you daydreaming or what?" Ryan said from behind and gave him a half-smile.

"Hey!.. You are finally here. Welcome." He said with a cheerful voice and gave everyone a hug.

---after a few minutes of hugging---  
"Soooo…guys I reserved rooms for everyone. Summer and Jake you have room number 912, next to you is Seth's room with number 913. My room is number 914 and Ryan and Liz you two have 917. Yeah and Marissa's roomnumber is room 918. We are all on the same floor." Luke told them happily and gave them the keys to their rooms.

The two couples (R&L, S&J) got their keys first and took the first elevator.  
Marissa, Seth and Luke were waiting for the next one to come.(The third elevator was broken … or something like that…whatever they had to wait…time for a conversation ;))

"Yeah…so I have the room next to our happy couple... I can't wait to live next to my ex-girlfriend for these couple of days." Seth said sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

"Hey who are you telling this?" Marissa looked at Seth. Her look said everything... she wasn't happy to live next-door to her ex neither.

"Hey guys…it's my birthday and we will have fun. Especially we three… I'm sure that our couples want to have spare time for … you know…" Luke winked. Yeah he hasn't changed he's empathetic like always.

"Stop it... could we drop that topic and talk about something other?" Marissa glared at Luke.

Yeah that was totally that what she needed - the picture in her head of Ryan and Liz making out.  
Finally the elevator came, shortly after they reached their rooms.

Marissa knocked on Summer and Jake's room.

"Can I come in? Or do I interrupt you by something?" she asked innocently, with a grin on her face.

"No…you can come in. So what took you so long up here?" Summer asked.

"Hmm… we were just a bit talking. And you know, when your funny ex-boyfriend Seth is talking than it takes some time." Marissa explained.

Suddenly Summer's facial expression turned from happiness to... a bit of anger?  
Marissa couldn't really understand why Summer suddenly kinda glared at her.But she would get to know the reason in a few seconds...

"Your funny what?" Jake came out of the bathroom and glared at Summer.

"You told me he's a friend of yours. You didn't tell me that he is ha friend of yours that is your EX-BOYFRIEND?." Jake was now angry.

"Err…Jake…let me explain.." Summer started to stutter. She didn't really know how she could get out of that situation... But it was too late for explanations anyways. Jake already ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Sum.. I'm so sorry. I didn't know.." Marissa apologized and felt uncomfortable.

"It's ok. It's not your fault.. I should have told him before." Summer said guiltily.

Jake didn't spoke to Summer the whole day long. He simply ignored her.

----  
"Coop.. can you explain to my why men are always like that? Why they have to be soo complicated? I mean I wanted to talk to him but he didn't say anything... he just ingnored me...and that the whole day long!" Summer couldn't help she felt frustrated but at the same time angry. How could Jake be so stubborn?

"Sum…just don't ask me. I think I'm the wrong person for conversations like this. I mean I haven't had a real relationship for years. Hey and besides that I never understood men and I think I never will." Marissa shrugged.

"We are poor, aren't we?" Summer said sarcastically.

"Yeah…we are...we are" Marissa replied and laughed lightly.

They sat there silent for a few minutes. Summer didn't know if she should accost this topic, but she decided to mention it.

"And what do you think about this Liz?" Summer wanted to know from Marissa.

"Uhmm... she actually seems to be nice." Marissa answered monosyllabic. This wasn't her favourite topic to talk about right now.

Summer understood that hint and changed the subject of the conversation immediately.

"Soo..what are we going to do tonight? Luke told me that he wanted to have a men's night out."

"Hmm…how about we two make a lady's night out? Like we used to have in former days?" Marissa suggested.

"Sounds great, Coop! You know how to cheer me up!" Summer said enthusiastically.

---At night---  
Luke and Seth were sitting in the hotel lobby. They were waiting for Jake and Ryan.

"I can't wait for tonight. This will be so much fun. I mean we haven't seen us for so long." Luke said happily.

"Yeah… I can't wait for it too, except of the fact that the boyfriend of my ex-girlfriend is going out with us."

"Hey... you guys don't have to talk... I mean we will be drinking all the time." Luke said and smiled at him.

"You haven't changed man…" Seth replied and shook is head.

Marissa and Summer were passing by them both.

"Hey girls what are you going to do tonight? You look gorgeous" Luke said.

"It's time for a lady's night out" they both said enthusiastic.

Right at this moment Ryan, Jake and Liz entered the lobby.

"Hey. Finally you two are coming. We thought you two wouldn't be coming anymore." Luke said looking at Ryan and Jake.

"Uhmm…yeah… about tonight. I don't know if I should go. I mean I don't want that Liz stays here alone." Ryan said, looking on the ground. He knew that he couldn't leave Liz here all alone in the hotel.

"Just go… you haven't seen your friends for a long time…so have fun. I mean I can join Summer and Marissa, can I?" Liz looked at Summer with a typical sweet as sugar smile.

Luke looked at Marissa and at Ryan. Luke knew that Ryan wasn't really into that idea.

"Uhm but if you want we could go out all together?" Luke suggested, he wanted to rescue this awkward situation.

"Nooo, this is a good idea. Sure you can join us. You guys go make your men's night and we will go on our lady's night." Marissa said to Liz and gave her a smile.

Seth, Summer, Luke and Ryan looked at her incredulous.

"Really?" Ryan said astonished. He couldn't believe that she was so nice to his new girlfriend that was very strange.

There was a short silence.

"Ok then let's go." Seth broke the silence.

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "Ok then lady's have fun tonight."

"You too, honey" Liz kissed him.

Marissa had to fight against tears. "I am strong, they are happy and I am strong. I have to be strong. Just don't cry now… " she told herself over and over again.

----the men's night out-----  
They were at a bar. They were drinking some beers. Jake and Ryan were quiet; it seemed that they are lost in thoughts. Seth drank too much

"So Ryan how is it to know that your girlfriend is out with your ex? I think it's funny…I would like to know what they're talking about. I mean there are a looooot of funny topics that they could talk about…like.." Seth wanted to numerate some topics but Ryan shot him one of his well-known Atwood looks.

"Ok...ok…I see….wrong topic, but Ryan I know you want to know too. But Ok…there are enough things to talk about. So let's move on to the next one. Err…James…Jeff…no something with a J.. help me guys.." he looked at Ryan and Luke.

"It's Jake. J-A-K-E" Jake said unfriendly.

"Oh yeah …" Seth took another sip of his beer "So how's it going with Summer J-A-K-E?"

"Don't mention her tonight."

"Oh… our happy couple has problems. Yeah…poor Jake…I know how you feel." Seth said sarcastically.

"Nah..I don't think you know that. She didn't lie to you about her ex-boyfriend. She told me you were a friend – not her ex." Jake replied again unfriendly, like it was Seth's fault that she told him nothing.

"Yeah but you know what…that is nothing compared to that what she did to me. She didn't betray you. She didn't cheat on you with her ex-boyfriend. Yeah I hate Zach." And with that he took the last sip of his beer.

Though he drank too much he could feel the pain that caused the thought of Summer and all the memories. He didn't want to have them…and especially not right now.  
Ryan overheard this conversation. He couldn't help he had to laugh.

"Guys… look at us. This is a funny men's night. We are all crying over girls. I mean hey when we are now at the "I-am-so-poor-because-of…-conversations" then I will contribute something too." Ryan said. He drank a bit too much, too. But he wasn't as drunk as Seth. Ok…all of them except of Jake drank too much. But this depressing atmosphere supported that.

"Ok where I start…yeah my ex-girlfriend Marissa….uhm…I think you all know her… is out with my new one Liz. …And this is strange…Marissa is totally nice to Liz…that's again strange… somehow that makes me worry." Ryan told them.

"Dude it's definitely strange." Seth added and tapped him on the shoulder.

---The lady's night---  
The lady's night started good. They were at a club. Good music…some drinks…yeah everything was cool. It seemed that Liz didn't drink often…she took some drinks and was a bit tipsy.

"You know what girls….this here is soooo cool" she said.

"Yeah this club is fantastic." Marissa replied.

Yeah it seemed a bit strange to her…to party with the new one of his ex, but yeah she would make the best out of this night. She wanted to have fun…to forget everything.

"And you know what…a night out without boys is totally that what I needed." Summer said. "I mean guys are sooo complicated. I don't understand them, but you know what…I don't give a damn about that. Jake shouldn't be such a crybaby. I mean he didn't tell me something about his ex-girlfriends too. What if he has got about 20 of them?" she took a gulp of her drink.

"You are so right" Marissa and Liz said.

They danced a bit and it was about midnight.

"Hmm…I'm going to get another drink…you want some drinks, too? Liz asked them.

"Uhm Liz I think you shouldn't get another one…I think you have enough…don't you think?" Marissa said to her.

"First of all you're not my mother or someone…I want to drink something and you can't stop me. I'm old enough!" Liz replied.

Marissa shrugged her shoulders. "Ok it's not my problem."

"Yeah..." Summer replied.

---15 minutes later---  
"Coop where is Liz… I mean it's been awhile since she wanted to buy drinks." Summer looked at her concerned.

"You're right." Marissa looked around them to find Liz.

And there she was…she was dancing on the bar.

"Oh noo… Sum look at the bar." Marissa said unbelieving.

"Hey she can dance really good." Summer mentioned

"Is that everything you can say…I mean shouldn't we get her off of the bar?" Marissa asked.

"Yeah…you're probably right…" Summer replied and they started to make their way through the crowd.

Suddenly they heard a scream followed from crashing glass and a dull sound. This could only be Liz. Marissa and Summer started to panic as they reached the bar. Liz was lying on the floor. She was unconscious.

"Liz….Liz….wake up" Marissa shook Liz. She had to wake up.

"Oh my god…is she …is she dead?" Summer started to cry.

"No Summer! She's not dead…but we need an ambulance, it's urgent. Can someone call 911 please?" Marissa begged.

Minutes later the ambulance arrived. They took Liz to the next hospital.

Marissa dialed a number. Her whole body was shaking, because of her heavy sobs. That night turned out to become a nightmare. Again a night full of drama…

"uhmm…hello?" a voice said a bit groggy.

"Ryan… " Marissa said, her voice nearly breaking. She tried hard to calm herself down, not to sob, but it was no use Ryan recognized that something was wrong…

"Marissa?...what happened?" he was alarmed. This couldn't mean something good.

"It's...Liz……she's at ...she's at the hospital " Marissa said inbetween of heavy sobs.

"What?" Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing. He felt panic inside of him.

"Could you pick us up at the "Vegas Bar", please?" (I know the bar name… is not really well.. creative..)

"Yeah, we will be there." He hung up. His head ached…that was too much now. What happened to Liz?

Seth, Luke and Jake were staring at Ryan. They could see that Ryan was shocked.

"What happened?" Luke asked.

"Uhm….it's Liz…she's at the hospital." Ryan couldn't believe it…

"Ok…let's go." And with that the boys were on the way to pick Marissa and Summer up.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_So plz read and review...these reviews mean a lot to me._


	8. Things You Should Have Never Said

**Chapter 8 - or "Things You Should Never Have Said"**

The boys picked Marissa and Summer up. Together they were on their way to the hospital.Marissa and Summer didn't talk about what happened. They were just crying hysterically. Marissa just hoped that they would reach the hospital soon. She felt guilty, but why? She and Summer weren't the one to blame, or?  
'You should have looked after her before she got up on the bar..' she thought. Marissa couldn't help, she felt guilty for what had happened.

Ryan couldn't ask the girls what had happened. They had just stopped crying and sobbing, he didn't want to upset them now; they would start to cry again immediately.  
He exchanged looks with Luke. Luke signalled him that he thought the same. They would ask them at the hospital, though it was very difficult for Ryan not to ask now. He was very concerned about Liz.

Liz and he were together now for about a half year. They get along really well. She was beautiful and they had good times with each other. Moreover she was understanding (or sympathetic…which word is correct?) and Liz had been there for him. It was good to talk to her, though he never told her the truth about Marissa. She knew that he had gone through a though time.  
He told her everything about leaving Chino, living in Newport, about his new family, about his new friends. But he left out everything concerning Marissa. Ok, by now she found that they were a couple in the past (remember chapter 4), but she only knew that they broke up because it didn't worked out. Ryan was grateful that she accepted this explanation. He didn't want to talk about "that". It would suit him best if he could erase all these memories of his mind.

They arrived at the hospital. They had to wait in the waiting room. Ryan was nervous, but he was tired too. He should get some sleep, but now it wasn't the right time for sleeping. He just stared at the floor. Seth sat quietly next to Ryan.

Silence – there was a depressing silence. Everybody avoided the look of the other one.

Only Marissa dared to look at Ryan. He looked anxious and nervous. It hurt her to see him like that.What hurt her more than to see him in this condition was to see him worry so much about Liz.  
'Well…he's a protective person, but Liz must be important to him, if he cares so much about her. Finally he has got someone other to care for, to protect. But who's going to protect me, who cares for me?' Shecouldn't help but feeling lonely. She knew that she had Summer who cared for her, but that wasn't the same thing.

'This situation is so awkward.' Summer thought. Her boyfriend sat in the opposite corner of the room and didn't even look at her. But right now she needed him. It made her angry that he couldn't forget this dumb fight and just comfort her now, when she needed him. No, he had to be the offended one.  
She sat next to Marissa, who seemed to be lost in thoughts. She recognized that she was sometimes glancing at Ryan. She knew how hard it was for Marissa. How well did she know. Her own ex was sitting right next to Ryan. He was obviously drunk, but – what a wonder – he just sat there quietly.Their eyes suddenly met, but Seth turned away quickly.  
'He hates me' was Summers only thought.

"What happened?" Ryan broke the silence. He couldn't take that silence any longer.  
Marissa and Summer looked up.

"Uhm…we were at this bar and…" Marissa started to explain but was interrupted by the doctor.

"Carter, Eliza Carter?" the doctor asked.

Ryan stood up. "Uhm …yes?"

"Are you a relative?"

"Yes, I'm her boyfriend."

"We had to pump out Miss Carters stomach, because she got an alcoholic poisoning. Moreover she got a brain concussion and some cuts from broken glass. She has to spend the night here. she should be able to get out by tomorrow, but she should be staying in bed for at least the whole next week." (A/N: I can tell you having a brain concussion can be soo annoying….I had one, years ago – it was so annoying to spend all day in bed.)

"Thank you. Can I go and see her?" Ryan asked.

"Yes she's in room number 236"

Ryan just nodded. He was relieved that she was okay. But how did it get so far? He couldn't think of a reason why she had drunk so much….or?

"Marissa what happened? I mean the doctor told me that she has a brain concussion?" he asked.

"Uhmm…she fell off of the bar…" she looked down.

"She did what?" Ryan got angry…he knew that this "lady's night out" hadn't been a good idea right from the start on.

"Yeah… she fell off of the bar. She wanted to get another drink and when we saw her the next time she was dancing on the bar. As we made our way trough the crowd, to get her off of the bar, she fell off of it. When we arrived there, she was lying there on the ground… unconscious… Ryan I'm sorry... this night shouldn't end like this…" Marissa had to fight against tears.

"How could this happen?" he glared at her.

"Ryan…she…she drank a bit too much …" Marissa said gently..

"A bit too much…a bit too much, Marissa?" Ryan got more and more furious.  
"…they had to pump out her stomach…she got an alcoholic poisoning…do you call that "a bit" too much? I know that you like to drink, Marissa….but not everybody is a heavy or better habitual drinker like you. And you can't tell me she drank that all for fun…what did you tell her, that made her drink so much?" Ryan yelled now at her.

Marissa was shocked… why he blamed her for everything? Why he thought that she want to ruin Ryan's relationship?  
She turned away quickly so Ryan couldn't see the tears running down her face. She was vulnerable to Ryan...all these words from him hurt soo much.

"Ryan, Marissa told her to stop drinking…that she had enough for one night, but Liz didn't listen and went to the bar for another drink." Summer tried to defend her best friend. He couldn't just yell at her like that.

"I know Marissa is always the innocent one…" Ryan mumbled and walked away to visit Liz. Marissa sat down and started to sob… Everybody looked at her…  
"Shh…Coop" Summer took Marissa into a long hug. She knew that Marissa needed her support now.

After Ryan visited Liz, who was sleeping, they drove silently to the hotel. Marissa sat in the front row, so she hadn't to face Ryan.

---  
They arrived at the hotel, but nobody felt like sleeping."Luke can I get another room? Summer asked. She didn't want to sleep in the same room as Jake. She knew that it was bad from her not to tell Jake about Seth, but so much happened tonight, he could have been there for her, though she lied to him and that made her angry. Jake was sitting at the bar.

"Uhmm…another room…why? Luke asked.

"I want a room for myself" she replied.

"Uhm...Okay…I'll go and ask.."

Luke went to the reception, but unfortunately there was no free room.  
"Sorry Sum, there isn't a chance to get a free room tonight."

"Damn" was everything that Summer could say.

"But Seth could sleep in my room and you sleep in Seth's room. I mean Seth is drunk, I think he doesn't care in whose bed he sleeps." Luke suggested.

"Okay…I will go and get my things." Summer accepted - she had no other choice.

"I will go and tell Cohen..." Luke said.

---In the meantime at the bar---  
Ryan felt frustrated. He sat there together with Jake and drank.Ryan got in rage…the alcohol, the events of this night and the feelings Ryan bottled up inside all these years. He felt like a volcano…he had to explode…these feelings had to be revealed…

---  
So Summer stays in Seth's room for this night and Seth sleeps in Lukes.Seth was in his room to get his things he needed for the night.

Somebody knocked on Marissa's door. It was Ryan.  
"Ryan your drunk…" Marissa could tell it by the smell of his breath and by the fact that he barely could walk straight.

"You're not the only one that can be drunk Marissa!" he answered sarcastically.  
Marissa looked down.

"It's my fault your drunk? What do you want to prove with that?" she asked.

"I don't want to prove anything. Just look at what you made of me. Why you always have to destroy everything? Why you didn't believe - trust me when I told you that Oliver wants to tear us apart, why you cheated on me with DJ and then with Jason. How could you tell me that there was nothing going on between you two and kiss him behind my back. How could you be so cruel and lie to me like that? How could you sit there right in front of me with an amorous look and cheat on me…what if your mother wouldn't have found out… would you have told me? Did you ever think about how I felt? Did you ever think about someone else than yourself? I was always there for you, taking care of you when you're drunk, when you needed help! I can't believe it… that I loved you all these years... you hurt me soo much Marissa…" Ryan felt exhausted but relieved.

"I've never asked for your help!" she yelled at Ryan.

"Oh come on, Marissa!" Ryan answered laughing.

Ryan suddenly ran to the bathroom. Marissa could hear the sound of him puking..  
After that he came out of the bathroom. Marissa looked at him.

"In case you don't know I'm not feeling very well… No wait you do know! Cause you're drunk like 24 hour a day." Ryan said sarcastically.

"Yeah…you're soooo funny, Ryan." she added.

"It's just the truth Marissa. Maybe you were drunk every time we kissed; maybe you were drunk when you kissed the other guy. Maybe you never loved me really…" Ryan said, sounding sadly and hurt at the same time.

"How could you even think that? I knew you were stupid but never this stupid! You should know that I love you and things aren't always like what they seem to be.." she mumbled the last sentence, she was angry at him. How could he blame her for everything? If she only could explain everything…but what for? Everything was lost now.

"Yeah how long did I love you, how long did I suffer just because of you… yeah I might be the stupid one, but you are the drunken who.." he realized what he was going to say and regretted it at the same time.

"I am what?" Marissa got in rage...that was too much to take.. "Finish your sentence… Come on tell me what I am…you wanted to say that you might be the stupid one, but I'm the drunken whore…wasn't that what you wanted to tell me? I won't forget this Ryan, never!" Marissa yelled at Ryan. How could he dare to call her a whore? She couldn't handle Ryan anymore, she was so furious. She needed to get away. She gave Ryan a hatred look, opened the door and stormed off.

---  
Ryan stood there in shock. This shouldn't end like this. No, he wanted to be relieved and get rid of these feelings, but now he had the picture of Marissa in his mind. Her look when he said that she's the drunken w… no he didn't wanted to call her that, but they both got so angry and it just..got out of control.

He regretted what he called her. Her look…she looked so hurt, but furious at the same time.  
Ryan felt suddenly very tired and dizzy. This conversation or better fight made him powerless, he sat down on Marissa's bed and passed out.

Minutes later Seth entered the room. He heard everything. Though he was drunk, he knew that this fight would have huge consequences.

---  
A knock on Luke's door. Luke opened it. He was shocked.A broken Marissa stood there in front of him. Tears streamed down her face and her whole body was trembling.

"Marissa what happened?" Luke asked.

"Ryan...He's drunk, we had a fight… and I can't deal with this right now! I need to go..." she said her voice cracking.

"What? Marissa you can't go!" Luke said.

"Luke I know it's your birthday and I'm really sorry, but I just can't stay here…I'm really sorry. Are you mad at me?" Marissa asked.

"Nah...I knew that it wasn't a good idea at all..you and Chino in one hotel..that couldn't work out. I understand that you can't be here… It's just bad, these couple of days should be fun, but instead they're getting a catastrophe." Luke replied and hugged her.

"Ok so let's get a cab for you." Luke suggested, he understood that she had to get away.

"Thanks…I' will be there in a minute. I just go and get my bag." She said and ran to her room.  
She took a bag and put in it everything she would need… some clothes, her mobile, money and passport….just the essential things. She didn't want to wake up Ryan, he slept in her bed. She took one last look at Ryan; he looked so peacefully when he was sleeping.

"Why this had to end like this…" she whispered sadly, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

---the next morning---  
Ryan woke up and had headache. He looked around and realized that this was Marissa's room. Slowly he remembered the events of last night. He remembered everything till he got to the hotel bar. After that he remembered not everything. He knew that he knocked on Marissa's door and that they had a fight, but he didn't really remember the details of their conversation.  
He got up and walked out of the room and entered his own. Minutes later Seth knocked on the door and entered.

"Hey man… you're finally awake. I think my head will explode every minute.." and with that he laid down on Ryan's bed.

"I know what you mean. Mine feels like that too."

"Yeah…the Cohen's and the alcohol…noooo good combination." Seth said.  
Ryan had to laugh…but stopped immediately when he realized how much pain it caused.

Summer stormed into Ryan's room. Seth forgot to close the door.  
"Where is Coop?" she yelled hysterically.

"Don't yell Summer, please." Ryan said.

"I don't care if you two have a hangover, but what the hell happened… I can't find Coop."

"What do you mean with you can't find her?" Ryan asked.

"Ok..you can guess: what could I mean with that Chino?" she got mad, she knew something must have happened and her feeling told her that Ryan was involved.

"I really don't know Summer." Ryan replied.

"It means that she isn't in her room or somewhere else in this hotel."

Ryan stood up. He was alarmed, but tried to stay calm.

"Ok let's go to the reception. Maybe she left there a note for us. You will see she's just shopping or so…" Ryan said, trying to convince Summer and most of all himself.

---in the elevator---  
"What if she left without a note? I have a bad feeling, I'm really worried." Summer said with a worried voice.

"You shouldn't be the one to worry Summer. Ryan should be the one." Seth mentioned.

"What do you mean Seth?" Ryan asked.

"Don't you remember last night? Even I remember it and I was drunk." Seth said.

"I remember that we had a fight yeah… but I can't remember exactly what I told her…" Ryan said and looked down.

"Uhm… I can't remember exactly every word…but you both were yelling at each other about the things that happened in the past. And you called her….a drunken whore."

"YOU CALLED HER WHAT CHINO?" Summer got one of her famous rage blackouts and started to hit him with her bag. Besides that if looks could kill…Ryan would be dead by now.

"Summer...please...stop it...that hurts.."

"Chino it's meant to hurt...you deserve it.." she didn't stop.

Seth helped Ryan...and finally Summer stopped hitting him..

"No…Seth…please tell me that is one of your jokes…" Ryan said unbelieving. What had he done?

"No sorry man… but I don't think that she left because of it. I mean you were obviously drunk and yeah… maybe she didn't take it seriously." Seth didn't believe that himself…

The elevator stopped and they went to the reception.

"Uhm… is there a message for room number 917?" Ryan asked the receptionist.

"Room number 917…yes there is one" she gave a piece of paper to Ryan.  
Room read it an got pale.

"Ryan what's wrong…it's from Coop or?" Summer looked concerned at Ryan.

"Seth I think you're wrong… obviously she took it seriously." Ryan gave the piece of paper to Seth.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_  
Short preview of chapter 9:  
What says the piece of paper? What happened with Marissa?  
Seth and Summer have talk – sounds boring but it isn't – I promise_

_Please read & review )_


	9. Decisions

_Hey )_

_Soo here is Chapter 9 ;) _

_Concerning the writing style…I hope you all have noticed that this ---- means a change of point of view or scene... I used stars but somehow here they don't show up soo I changed that.  
And keep in mind that '...' this stands for the personal thoughts of the person.  
_

**Chapter 9 – or "decisions"**

"Room number 917…yes there is one" she gave a piece of paper to Ryan.

Room read it an got pale.

"Ryan what's wrong…it's from Coop or?" Summer looked concerned at Ryan.

"Seth I think you're wrong… obviously she took it seriously." Ryan gave the piece of paper to Seth.

Seth read loud:

Hi!

I hope you're happy know. Have a nice life; you don't have to save me anymore.  
Tell Summer that I'm sorry, but I had to leave.

"The drunken whore"

"Chino I could kill you for what you did!" Summer glared at him. She suddenly had the desire to start hitting Ryan again. Once again everything was messed up.

"Hey…uhm what's going on?" Luke saw them at the reception and walked over to them.

"Marissa left, because of Chino" Summer said.

"Yeah I know" Luke admitted.

"You knew?" Summer looked at Luke with a puzzled expression on her face.

"Yeah…I…uhm saw her leaving yesterday…she seemed really upset." Luke replied

"You let her leave? In that condition? Are you crazy?" Summer couldn't believe what she heard. "Did she tell you where she was going to?" Summer had to follow her…

"No…sorry. I only know that she took a cab to the airport." Luke said and shrugged.

"Where she could have gone to? I mean she wouldn't fly back to Newport… no way. She wouldn't want to be with Julie now." Summer said.

"Uhmm… what about Tahiti? Jimmy lives there now with Hailey." Seth suggested.

"Cohen…that's it…she would definitely choose her father over Julie." Summer smiled.

"I will go and pack my things. I have to go after her." Ryan said.  
He felt guilty. He knew that what Marissa did to him in the past was wrong….and that he went through a lot because of her. But he also knew that calling her a drunken whore was wrong. She didn't deserve that.

"No Chino, you did enough! I will go after her. She needs me now more than you!" Summer looked at him seriously. She knew that the last person Marissa wants to see now was Ryan.

"But Summer…" Ryan tried to say something but he was cut off.

"No…you're staying and don't forget to pick up Liz. I will go packing. I'll take the next fly to Tahiti" and with that Summer was on her way to her room.

------  
Ryan did what Summer told him. He picked Liz up at the hospital. He couldn't stop thinking of Marissa.

Liz was waiting in her room for Ryan. She was relieved that she could leave the hospital. She never liked hospitals.  
A knock on the door and a few seconds later Ryan stood in front of her, smiling at her.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"I can't wait to get out!" she replied.

They drove back to the hotel. It was a silent ride.  
Liz looked lightly at Ryan. He was concentrated on the street, but he also seemed to be lost in thoughts.

'He's angry at me' Liz thought. She knew that the drinking yesterday got out of control. She didn't know herself why she drank so much. And then the thing with the bar…what the hell made her dance on the bar? Yeah that was the last thing she could remember. She was dancing on the bar.

'Maybe it was because of this intense exchange of looks between MY boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't tell me that she is his ex.' she thought to herself.  
'Yeah but he told me that there isn't something anymore. He told me many times that he loves me. So I can't blame him… It was my own mistake. Yeah I have to say something to him. I have to apologize…" she thought.

"Ryan… I'm… uhm… I'm really sorry… for everything that happened yesterday. That you had to worry about me so much." she didn't dare to look at him and went on "… I mean I'm sorry that you all had to worry about me so much. I don't know why this happened….why….why it got out of control yesterday. Marissa warned me…she said I shouldn't get another drink, but I think that encouraged me even more to drink another one." she admitted quietly.

Ryan looked at Liz. Their eyes met.

He just nodded.

The rest of the ride was silent. This silence made Liz crazy. She could handle everything, Ryan yelling at her, things like that… everything except silence.  
She couldn't know that Ryan was lost in thoughts. Thoughts about Marissa.

They arrived at the hotel.  
Liz and Ryan went quietly upstairs to their room.

"I think it's better if you're staying in bed the rest of the day, Eliza." Ryan said with a determined voice. He didn't want to talk about last night….not right now. And besides that what should he tell Liz….what should he tell her about Marissa…why she left…

'Did he just call me Eliza? He didn't call me Eliza since…since the first day we met. That means nothing good.' she thought to herself. She decided to get some rest and to talk to him later. She knew that wasn't in a talkative mood right now.

---  
Ryan left the hotel room and went downstairs. He looked to the hotel bar. Seth was sitting there. He decided to go over to him.

"Hey man…" Ryan greeted him.

"Hey… how's Liz doing?" Seth asked.

"She's upstairs….to get some rest…you know the doctor said it would be better if she stays in bed for the next days, because of her concussion." Ryan explained.

"..ah..I understand." Seth said.

--- meanwhile in Summers (and Jakes) room ---  
Summer was packing. She knew that Marissa needed her now. She was afraid that Marissa would hurt herself. Marissa never took bad news or problems that well.

"I can't believe you're leaving just like that!" Jake said with an angry voice.

"You can't leave… I think we two have enough to talk about… I mean we are fighting and you're just leaving!"

"What do you want to hear? I mean what are you fighting about? I apologized to you about not telling you that Seth is my ex. But you were too proud to accept that and last night, when I needed someone to lean on, you weren't there. Again you were too proud to forget just one minute about your stupid "fight" with me. And besides that, the most important reason why I'm leaving is that Coop needs me!" Summer got angry.

"Yeah and what about me? You leave me here alone? Shouldn't we talk a bit more about us and our problems than that few sentences? I mean Marissa is old enough; I think she knows what she's doing! You can't put your friend above your boyfriend…or?"

"I can't believe it…you understand nothing…really nothing…" Summer shook her head.

"Yeah I maybe, but that's because you never really talked to me about your past, about your friends. So how I'm supposed to understand you and your weird friends." Jake replied.

"What is your problem? I mean that can't be only about that I didn't tell you about Seth. Besides that if you would really love me, than you would have been there for me last night. You would have seen that I needed someone and wouldn't have been so selfish. Plus you wouldn't be such an ashole right now. You would be understanding and support me. But noo…" Summer got in rage. She couldn't believe it, that ashole.

"Yeah I know I never was understanding… maybe your ex can comfort you… maybe he's more understanding than me… "Jake said angrily.

"Oh…now I understand what this fight is about…you're jealous. You can't be serious… I mean I have more important problems right now…" Summer said and continued packing.

"Oh… that shows how important our relationship is to you." Jake said sarcastically.  
"Summer if you're leaving now… than it's over…" Jake almost yelled.

"That means I have to choose between you and my best friend? Are you serious?" Summer looked unbelieving at him.

"Yeah dead serious…" Jake replied coldly.

Silence

"Jake…I'm really sorry…but if you would love me you wouldn't let me have to choose between you and my best friend. So I guess…I have to say that it's over. I'm definitely leaving." Summer looked shortly at him.

Jake looked at her unbelieving. He took his suitcase and started angrily to throw things into it.

"What are you doing?" Summer asked.

"Can't you see that? I'm packing. I think we have nothing more discuss about. You just showed me how much this relationship means to you." Jake answered coldly and zipped his suitcase. One last time he looked at Summer.

It was a look full of hurt, but also of anger, then he stormed off.

Summer stood there astonished. Jake was definitely a consistent person, but she couldn't understand that he was so stubborn. He made a drama out of nothing. In the last 15 minutes she got to know another side of Jake and she definitely didn't like that side.  
But at the moment she had other problems to solve.

She didn't give herself much time to cry over Jake…or was there another reason why she didn't felt like crying?

----------------------------------------------------

_So that was it for today….I know this chapter is sort of "gap filling" chapter. But you will see that this things were important for the next chapters…  
I hope you liked that chapter and please review _

_Short perview of the next chapter:_

_Ryan, Seth and Summer have a talk at the bar  
and bottled up feelings will be released_


	10. Say What You're Really Talking About

_It's posting time! Thank you all for your kind reviews ) i really appreciate them... they mean really a lot to me._

_  
and for the one person that posted this sort of "critic"... i don't have something against critic...if it is real critic and if it's helpful or at least not offensive. so...give me suggestions what i could do better or so...or what in detail you didn't like..._

**Chapter 10 – or "Say What You're Really Talking About!"**

Short review of Chapter 9:  
Marissa left a notice for the others.  
Ryan didn't tell Liz that Marissa left and why she left.  
Summer thinks that Marissa will be in Tahiti (Jimmy lives there) and decided to go after her.  
Jake and Summer had a fight that caused the end of their relationship.

Summer finished packing and went to the lobby. She looked around and spotted Ryan and Seth sitting at the bar. She went over to them and sat down next to Ryan.

"What happened Summer? We just saw Jake leaving with his suitcase." Ryan asked with a puzzled face.

"Uhm… let me think… suitcases and leaving… what could that mean? Yeah… I've got it….HE'S LEAVING?" Summer answered sarcastically. She was really mad about what just had happened.

Ryan looked at her sort of shocked.

"uhm….sorry… I didn't want to take it out on you… " Summer said.

"Soo… I guess you two had a fight?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah… it's over. He's soo stubborn. Whatever. Could we change the subject? There are more important things to talk about then this ashole." Summer said and rolled her eyes.

"Uhm… Sure." Ryan said and shrugged. She was right there are really more important things at the moment.

The three of them sat there in silence.

Summer wanted to talk about what happened, but Ryan obviously not. He seemed to be lost in thoughts and looked blankly at his glass.  
'He's drinking again? Didn't he have enough last night?' she thought to herself.

"Ok…so enough of this awkward silence. When did you develop this drinking habit?" Summer said, motioning towards his glass.

Ryan looked at Summer, surprised and a bit shocked by her directness.

"Don't worry…this is just coke…" Ryan said pointing at his glass.

"You're sure? No coke with vodka or something?" Summer said sarcastically.

Ryan gave her his famous "Atwood-look"

"Sorry...it's just I never thought you were the "get-drunk" type. That yesterday made no sense… I mean you hated it when Ma…." Summer regretted to mention her, when she saw Ryan's face. It said something like :"Yeah.. thank you for mention her… I just have tried to forget last night for one moment…"

"…uhm..I mean you hated it when someone drank too much…uhmm…for example Cohen." Summer tried to rescue the situation…but it didn't really work out.

Summer sighed. 'This conversations is really great…' she thought sarcastically to herself.

"I don't know Summer. I'm not an alcoholic or something. And you're right normally I'm not the "get-drunk" type. But this trip…seeing her again… brought back so many memories. And then that with Liz. Everything got a bit out of control. All these feelings…" he sighed and looked down. He had to fight against his tears.  
He knew that getting drunk just to forget feelings is kind a sign of weakness and no really solution, but yesterday it seemed to be the only solution for him…

"A bit out of control? I would leave out the word bit…that would be more appropriate. You screwed up a lot…" Summer said and looked angrily at him.

How could he say "a bit"…it was obviously that it was more than "a bit"…  
Her best friend was gone because he called her a "drunken whore" and besides that Summer didn't want to imagine what other sentences and words they could have thrown at each other in their anger…  
Fact was that Marissa escaped…yeah that's the right word for it… a escape.

"Oh come on Summer!.." Suddenly Seth spoke up and glared at her… "…he screwed up a lot? And how do you call that what Marissa did? How many times did she get drunk just to forget everything? And…did you yell at her about that? NO, not one time. So don't come here and tell us about how Ryan screwed up." Seth sorta yelled at her.

Summer and Ryan were astonished by Seth's outburst. Summer wanted to say something against it…but she couldn't.

"Yeah to drink that much was wrong… but did you ever think about how much it hurts him to see her again… the person that hurt him soo much. All the feelings that were bottled up…that he tried to forget, were present again. How do you think was that for him? How do you think it hurt him that all these memories came back by just looking at her? All these memories of him and her, of a happy couple. The memories when she messed things up, because of her ex-boyfriend…" Seth yelled angrily at Summer.  
He knew perfectly how Ryan felt.

----------------Flashback---------------------  
It was about a month after Ryan and Marissa broke up. Seth and Summer attended different colleges, but they talked a lot on phone and were seeing each other when ever possible.

It was Wednesday. Seth was sad, because he couldn't visit Summer this weekend. He had to visit the Nana together with his parents and Ryan.

He would love to see Summer. He missed her very much. He was very happy that their relationship lasted, though they both were attending different colleges in different places.  
Since the incident on the dinner party, he and Ryan talked more about their problems. They were now real close friends….like real brothers. They talked about god and the world…nearly everything. Just one topic was forbidden: Marissa.  
But Seth respected that.

His phone rang. Seth looked at the caller ID…it said: Dad

"Hey son…how things are going?" Sandy asked his son.

"Pretty good... Happened something or why do you call?" Seth asked.

"Can't I call my son just to know how everything's going?"

"Uhm… Let me think." Seth put his finger up to his lips, rolling his eyes and pretending to think, though his father couldn't see that, then he said: "No, not really."

"OK…you're right I called you because, I have good news. We have to postpone the weekend with the Nana. Kirsten and I are very busy and the Nana told us it would be better if we visit her next week or so.." Sandy said.

"Oh… that are good news...err...I mean sooooooooo sad that we can't go this weekend." Seth smiled like a little child. Maybe this was going to be a good weekend. Now he could pay a surprise visit to Summer.

So he was going to see Summer. He already stood in front of her door. She had a small apartment together with Jenna. Jenna was her roommate. He knocked on the door and a blonde girl opened the door.

"Hi…what can I do for you?" the girl asked.

"Uhm…Is Summer there?" Seth asked. This was obviously Jenna.

"No…she's out with Zach." Jenna answered.

"With…ZACH? A tall, good-looking guy with brown hair?" Seth asked shocked. Summer never mentioned Zach… or that he was here… what the hell was going on?

"Uhm… yeah that's Zach… some guy from her past. Excuse me, but you are?" Jenna was annoyed by all these questions.

"Seth… Summers boyfriend… uhm or maybe soon her ex-boyfriend. Did she tell you where they were going to?"

"Oh my god… you're Seth. Summer will kill me… I think they were going to "Jungle Club"…" Jenna answered quietly. 'Summer will definitely kill me…' she thought.

Seth followed Jenna's directions to the Jungle Club. He was furious.  
'How could she do this to me? How? I will kick Zach's as!' he thought to himself.

He entered the club and looked around. On the dance floor he spotted Summer and Zach.  
They were dancing. Very close…  
Seth decided to watch them for a few minutes… he wanted to see what was going on…

The two danced, laughing often.  
Suddenly it happened:

Zach kissed Summer

And what was the worst…. Summer did nothing against it… for Seth it seemed that she liked it.  
That was too much for Seth.  
He made his way furiously through the dancing crowd.

"Summer what the hell are you doing?" he yelled at her.

"Oh my god…Cohen…what…what are you doing here?" Summer's face went pale. This couldn't be real…

"What it seems like? I wanted to see you...so I found a way to visit you. But obviously you're busy…..WITH ZACH! I saw you kissing…so don't tell me you two are friends.." he gave Summer a hatred look and turned around.  
He was going to leave when Summer tried to stop him.

"Seth…please...let me explain.."

"Oh yeah… I'm curious to hear that explanation…" He didn't want to hear her excuses and explanations. Nothing that Summer would say… would excuse or explain this.

Summer looked at him as he left.  
It was no use to talk to him right now… he wouldn't believe her… no matter what she would say.  
He wouldn't believe her that it was a coincidence that she met Zach yesterday.  
He wouldn't believe her that she loves him so much and regret going out with Zach.  
He wouldn't believe her that she regretted that kiss very much. She herself didn't know what the hell she was doing… for Seth it must have looked like she had enjoyed the kiss… she did nothing against it…she just let it happen. Normally she would have slapped someone who kissed her just like that… but she was shocked and then suddenly Seth was there… there was no time to slap Zach. What a luck for him..  
It definitely was a bad idea to go out with Zach. Zach would never see Summer as just a friend…he would always try to make a move on her. Why she didn't saw that earlier?  
-----------End Flashback---------------------

Summer and Ryan listened to what Seth just told.  
In Summer's mind it made "click"…now she understood what he was talking about…

"Cohen… Jason wasn't Marissa's ex... so why don't you tell us who this all is really about? Who or What you're talking about really? Could it be that "he" is a synonym for SETH COHEN and let me guess what "her" stands for…maybe ME?" Summer yelled back.

"Whatever….believe what you want Summer…" and with that Seth stood up and walked away in the direction of the hotel Terrace/patio.

Summer looked at him walking away…again. Tears start to form in her eyes… 'He hates me..' was her only thought.

Ryan looked at Summer… he saw that tears in her eyes. He forgot one minute about his own problems and tried to console Summer.

"He hates me Ryan… he really hates me…" tears start rolling down her cheeks.

"No Summer… he doesn't hate you… and that is the problem. He still loves you… can't you see that?" Ryan looked her directly in the eyes. "And as I see you do love him too….right?"

Summer looked away…Ryan had his answer.

"No answer can be answer, too." He said putting on a half smile. "Summer I know it seems weird, but if you really love him than don't sit here around and cry about him. Go after him…and talk to him." Ryan suggested.

"But he won't listen to…" Summer tried to say but she was cut off by Ryan:  
"You don't know that… maybe he will listen to you. Besides that…what do you have to loose?"

Summer looked at Ryan. He was right…she had nothing to loose.

"Thank you… I never thought you would be that understanding… and sorry… I know you're sorry for yesterday and it wasn't your intention" she said, wiping away hear tears and trying to give him a smile. Then she stood up and hugged him.

"Go, get him" Ryan smiled at her. He prayed that Seth would listen to her.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_Sooo that was Chapter 10. Hopefully you liked it. I know that the R/M thing was kinda left out… but yeah in Chapter 11 the R/M fans will be happy… or at least a bit satisfied, but I really had to finish this Seth/Summer plot…  
And I tried to give a bit of an explanation for Ryan's alcohol consume._

_Please leave comments as always  
_

_**Preview Chapter 11:**  
The promised Seth/Summer talk and a Ryan/Summer talk  
And Marissa comes back in the picture.._


	11. Thoughts And Talks

_Thank you all for your nice reviews... i love them sooo much...they make me write more )_

_Soo here it is: Chapter 11.  
_

**Chapter 11 – or "Thoughts And Talks"**

_For the first time in this fanfic I used song-lyrics. The song is called "Behind these Hazel Eyes – by Kelly Clarkson. (Hehe the name of the fanfic "Hear me" is one of her songs too.)  
So maybe if you like you could listen to that song when the lyrics are used._

Marissa sat in plastic chair at the airport. She was waiting for her flight. She looked out of the panorama window….Las Vegas looked so beautiful at night. All these lights… but she couldn't really enjoy this whole Las Vegas trip. She was so upset about the events of that night.  
'What happened to Ryan and me? Why it's always like that? When Ryan and I together or only meet, always has to happen something…' she thought sadly to herself.

She'd slept on occasions throughout the early morning, while waiting for her plane. But every time when she closed her eyes she saw pictures she wished never to see again.

First of all, all these pictures and memories of Ryan and her… together.  
Then the picture of Ryan's hurt look, after her mum announced that she and Jason are together. That look was full of hurt, but also of anger. She knew what he must have thought at that moment: Again a person that I trusted let me down.  
Just thinking of that night resulted that tears were forming in her eyes.  
She could remember clearly the last sentences he said to her that night.

"… Marissa…how could you do that? I can't even look at you… I never want to see you again. Never."

Never. That word resounded in her head again and again.

Since then Ryan had avoided her when ever possible, she knew that he hated her. She knew that and she couldn't even blame him for it. She had ruined everything, something so special like their relationship. They were finally happy and just because she didn't tell him - she had destroyed that. She let him down…

Then she thought about last night… the events replayed itself like a movie in her head. She saw it all again… the knock on the door and the fight that followed.

The announcement said that her plane was boarding. Finally she could leave this place… get away from everything…

...get away from _him._

---in the hotel---  
Summer walked in the same direction like Seth a few minutes ago.

'What should I say to him? Will he listen to me?..' so many questions were inside Summer's head. She desperately tried to stay calm… but she failed. She felt nervous like a little child at the first day at school.

She went outside and spotted him. There he sat. His black, curly hair… She remembered how good it felt to ran through his hair. To see his smile and his eyes. She missed him so much, he made her laugh… Jake never was that funny. How could she compare Jake to Seth. She had to admit that Jake was nice and caring… but he wasn't… Seth. Her Seth…

'Ok…it's now or never…Summer!' she said to herself.

She sat down next to Seth. Seth looked at her unbelieving and was about to stand up and leave but Summer gripped his shirt and motioned him to sit down again.  
"Please Seth… we need to talk." She said… looking at him with teary eyes.

This sight made Seth sit down again. "What do you want to talk about?" Seth asked coldly.

Both of them avoided the eyes of the other while talking.

"Seth… I want to apologize and I want to explain everything to you… then you can leave and hate me the rest of your life…" Summer started…

"The thing with Zach… where do I start… I know maybe you won't believe me this, but it was a coincidence that I met him one day before….before you… saw us.." Summer said trying to hold back her tears. She needed to tell him everything..

"Yeah you're right… I don't believe you.." he answered again coldly but sarcastically at the same time.

"But it was really a coincidence… Zach and I talked…as friends… and then he said if I want to go out with him and friends to that Club. I know I should've told you, but I thought that you would be at your Nana's that weekend…"

"…yeah and then you thought 'hey let's hook up with Zach… Seth isn't here so he never will find out'…" Seth started to get angry…

"…No Seth. It wasn't like that. When I arrived at the club it turned out that his friends were all busy… so he came alone. Today I think that there weren't friends at all and that he invented them. So I thought ok… Jenna will come later and bring some friend with her so there will be no problem. But then he wanted to dance… I thought that would be a good idea… but yeah like you saw it turned out it was a bad one…" Summer said

"..yeah what a bad one… and he kissed you... but you did nothing… it seemed that you liked it…"

"…that's not true, Seth! I didn't like it…. I was shocked that he kissed me and besides that you came over that fast that I hadn't time to slap Zach right in the face…" she now turned to him and looked Seth in the eyes.

"Seth, please believe me. I know that I should have told you that I met Zach and everything. I know that I can undo this kiss, but if I could I really would. I regret it every day. I don't know if you will ever be able to forgive me… but at least I apologized and explain everything to you, because you deserved a explanation, because … you... mean… a.. lot… to… me" she turned away. She couldn't fight any longer against her tears. They start to roll down her cheeks.  
She felt embarrassed and was about to stand up when Seth turned her around.

"You mean a lot to me, too" and with that he kissed her passionately.

Summer couldn't believe what was going on…

"Seth, could you pinch me, please. I think I must be dreaming." She said with a croaking voice.  
Seth did what he was told, pinched her and grinned at her.

"Aww… Seth I didn't meant that serious… that hurt." she gave him a teary smile.

"Why are you crying?" he looked confused at her.

"Because this here is like a dream to me Seth. Does that kiss…caugh… does it mean that we're together again?" she looked away… afraid of the answer.

"Summer you know… that kiss with Zach, hurt me very much. But I can't help I'm still in love with you. So I think yes... that meant that we're sorta together again…"

Summers frightened face faded away and she started to smile, her eyes were now sparkling. Seth missed that sparkling in her eyes. He missed Summer so much. But now thing would be different, they wouldn't let something get between the two of them again. They sat there kissing and hugging each other for what seemed an eternity, as if they want to make up for the time they were apart.

---in the hotellobby---  
Ryan walked across to the windows. He spotted the two outside sitting. They were kissing. He smiled to himself. 'At least one good thing happened in Las Vegas' he thought to himself.

He sighed and walked away. Yeah that was really the only good thing that happened here.

He sat down in the lobby and looked through the window.  
He sat there staring intently at the cars passing by the hotel. He wondered what he had done to deserve everything that had happened to him. Why he couldn't be happy just for a short period of time…why always something bad has to happen to him.

He replayed the last hours in his mind. During the day he could remember everything of last night… he remembered every word and every detail… but now his wish was that he wouldn't remember last night. Or better - that he could undo yesterday.

'Sure, I never forgot what Marissa did to me, how I suffered because of her. But that fight last night shouldn't end like that. I shouldn't have thrown all these things at her.  
How could I say all that to her? Why did I have to blame her for everything that happened to Liz and what the hell made me drink so much?  
I saw what alcohol can cause… my father that hit me and my brother, my mother, yeah even Marissa changed so much, when she drank something. I should have known better.' he thought to himself.

'I knew that Marissa was vulnerable to me, like I'm to her…as well after all what happened.  
Though she hurt me so much, she didn't deserve that. I hurt her deeply much with my words… she hates me.' he remembered sadly her painfilled and hatred look when she stormed off – he will never forget that picture.

'It was never my intention to hurt her…yeah but I did… last night.'  
But what he was most afraid of was that Marissa would do something to herself. He knew that Marissa wasn't good with the coping and last night she had enough to cope with…  
He just prayed that Summer would find her in Tahiti in time and make sure that she wouldn't do stupid things.

---cab---  
Marissa took a cab to her destination.  
Her thoughts drifted back to last night.  
Though she felt guilty because of the whole Jason thing that caused him so much pain, she couldn't understand last night. 'Why he had to blame her for everything?' she thought to herself.  
The things he said hurt her deep inside. It was like someone tormented her with needles. Every word caused her pain, like needles that prick through her skin…going very deep.  
She replayed every sentence he said in her mind. she couldn't stop thinking about it. she felt like crying… but there were no tears left to cry. she cried so much last night..

She decided to tturn on her iPod… she needed something to take her mind off of Ryan.  
She switched through the song  
'No not another love song… I can't handle them now…' she continued switching and finally found a song.  
'Yeah that one is definitely the right song'

Seems like just yesterday  
You were a part of me  
I used to stand so tall  
I used to be so strong  
Your arms around me tight  
Everything, it felt so right  
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong  
Now I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hanging on

The good times for Marissa that meant: Ryan and her together – happily. Every kiss, every "I love you". How could that all fall apart in just one second?

Here I am, once again  
I'm torn into pieces  
Can't deny it, can't pretend  
Just thought you were the one  
Broken up, deep inside  
But you won't get to see the tears I cry  
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything  
Opened up and let you in  
You made me feel alright  
For once in my life  
Now all that's left of me  
Is what I pretend to be  
So together, but so broken up inside  
'Cause I can't breathe  
No, I can't sleep  
I'm barely hangin' on

Marissa sang quietly the chorus "Here I am, once again.. I'm torn into pieces.." yeah.. that was it what she felt right now..

The cab driver looked weird at her through the rear view mirror. Marissa blushed and stopped singing, instead of singing she started humming.

'The lyrics are so appropriate. Once again I'm torn into pieces, because of Ryan Atwood, but he was really the one who made me feel alright for once in my life… he was always there when I needed help… I really thought he would be the one…' she thought sadly to herself. 'But this time I must help myself… I must make it without his help…. Yeah he won't get so see the tears that I cry…. Anymore.' she told herself. She wanted to be strong. She had to be strong...

...but could she be strong?

---at the airport--- "Summer why I can't come with you?… You know Tahiti is like heaven. No, let me correct: Tahiti with you is like heaven to me." Seth smiled at Summer. Since they left the hotel Seth is trying to convince Summer that it would be better if both of them fly to Tahiti.

"Seth it's not like I'm going on vacation. I'm there because I hope that Coop is there and that I find her…" she said while checking in.

"…Summer pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssseeeeeeeee." He made puppy eyes.

"Cohen I've already checked in… so give it up. I'm going alone. Besides that you and Luke have to look after Ryan. I'm really concerned…just look at him." she pointed at Ryan, who was sitting in a Café. "He seems kinda depressed... you know he got this empty look and he's obviously in brooding mood again. I know he's concerned about Marissa…" Summer told Seth.

"Do you think they can work that out?" Seth wanted to know.

"Honestly...I don't know. I mean so many things happened. Remember: Oliver, Theresa, Dj, Jason and now the fight yesterday. I don't know how much their relationship, friendship or whatever they have, can take…" she said and looked Seth right in the eyes.

He just nodded, he knew that she was right.

"Flight 354 to Tahiti is boarding"

"Oh that's mine Cohen!" She looked at him and kissed him passionately.

'God it feels good to kiss him again!' she thought to herself. She was happy that they are back together finally.

"God it feels good to kiss you again Summer!" Seth said smiling at her, Summer had to giggle.  
'Two people one though, Cohen."

Summer walked across to Ryan and hugged him.  
"Take care of yourself, Sum." Ryan tried to give her a smile.  
"I will find her Chino...trust me" she whispered into his ear.

And with that she smiled one last time at Seth. Then she was gone.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Chapter 11 is finished! As always I hope you enjoyed it…  
Please review… you all know how happy that makes me... _

_Preview Chapter 12:  
Will Summer find Marissa? Is Marissa in Tahiti or somewhere else?  
What will Ryan tell Liz? How will she react?  
Where will Seth get his pudding from in Las Vegas? Why doesn't Seth put on weight, though he's eating a lot of pudding? What is his diet-secret? loool_


	12. Tell The Truth!

_sooo thank you again for your nice reviews..._

**thekiller00: **_you're posting so nice reviews to every single chapter...sooo thank you veeeeeeeeeery much. i dedicate this chapter to you...for your regular reviews. you really have no idea how happy it makes me to see that people like my story and read every chapter..._**  
**

**Chapter 12 – or Tell The Truth!**

Summer looked at the piece of paper in her hand. It contained the address of Marissa's dad. She prayed that she would find her there. But what if not? She thought about that question the whole flight long. What would happen if she wouldn't be in Tahiti? Where else could she be gone to?  
'No, she has to be there…' she thought to herself. She had to…

---Meanwhile in Las Vegas---  
Seth and Ryan sat in the lobby of the hotel.

"So what are you going to tell Liz, Ryan? The truth?" Seth asked curiously.

"I really don't know… Do you really think that telling her the truth would be good? I don't think so.." Ryan answered.

---back in Tahiti---  
Summer stood in front of the house. She said a little prayer and knocked on the door. Jimmy Cooper opened her the door.

"Summer? Let me guess you are here because of Marissa…?" he said.

"Uhm… actually yeah. Is she here?"

"Yeah… I mean no…" he said. Summer looked at him confused.

"… she decided to go to the beach. Just follow that path." he finally said and pointed at a small path.

"Thank you" she gave him a last smile and walked down to the beach.  
Summer recognized Marissa's slim figure from a distance.

Marissa sat huddled up in the warm sand, her knees tightly to her chest.  
She sat there simply staring intently at the ocean, listening to the sound of the crashing waves and inhaling the salty scent of the water. She loved the salty scent and she loved it to sit at the beach. Especially when no one was around. She always felt sort of a "connection" to the sea. When Ryan was in Chino, she used to sit at the beach and think of him and about the two of them. Yeah she drank there sometimes, too. Her favourite time for sitting here in the sand was when the sun was already going down. Like it did right now.  
The last night seemed so far away. She wanted to simply sit here for forever.  
She sighed for what seems to be twentieth time in the last hour.

"Hey" a voice nearly whispered "Can I join you?"

Marissa looked at the person, for a minute surprised but her attention quickly went back to the ocean.  
Summer followed her gaze over to the ocean. She understood that Marissa escaped to Tahiti. It was a beautiful place. Perfectly to forget things or to think things over.

"I'm so sorry, Marissa" Summer finally said with a voice full of sympathy. She lightly caressed Marissa's upper arm.

"You are not the one being sorry for something. You didn't call me a drunken whore. You didn't say that I just always want to be rescued. You don't have to be sorry, Summer." Marissa said her voice nearly cracking.

"You know that he didn't mean those things he said. He was drunk, Marissa"

"Yeah maybe, Sum… but maybe he just said the truth, that what he thinks that I am. You know people say that when you're drunk, you're telling the truth."

"Marissa you don't believe that really…don't you? You know that he doesn't think that way about you."

"Maybe you're right. But honestly I wouldn't blame him if he hates me. I mean after all what happened. But to hate me is one thing, to throw all those things at me is another."

Summer nodded and they both sat there silently for minutes, just watching the crashing waves.

"Did you really hook up with Jason?" Summer suddenly asked Marissa nearly inaudible.

Marissa gave her an unbelieving look.

"I….I…mean we never had the chance to talk about that… about what happened…" Summer said, trying to justify her question.'I never should have started with that topic...' Summer thought to herself.

Marissa didn't want to think about what happened. Why Summer had to bring up that topic right now? She didn't want to deal with those memories, too. She had to deal with enough emotions and memories at the moment. Plus she pushed these away for so long.

"Marissa I'm your best friend. You know you can tell me and I think you really should tell someone. I mean Marissa your mother lied, when she told us that there was something…didn't she?" Summer faced her and gave her a pleading look.

"There was something, Sum." Marissa said.

---Meanwhile in Las Vegas---  
Ryan paid Liz a visit at their hotel room.

"Hey stranger" she said happily, lying in the bed.

"Hey" he said and tried to give her a smile

"It seems like I haven't seen you in ages, where have you been?" she asked.

"Uhm… you were sleeping, so I went to the hotel bar with Seth. You know having Seth/Ryan time, like Seth would say."

He watched Liz dragging herself up into a sitting position. She motioned him with her hands to sit down on the bed next to her. He sat down next to her.

"Ryan…"

"Huh?" he turned his head in the direction of hers and looked at her.

"You know, I have to stay in bed all day… sooo I thought maybe you stay in our room, too? I mean…you know… we could stay in bed all day… together?" she said seductively, trying to convince Ryan with a passionate kiss.

Ryan pulled away. "Liz… I'm not in the mood for that. And besides that, I don't think that this is what the doctor meant with "staying in bed." he said while he stood up from the bed.

"Ryan what's going on? I mean I'm really sorry for what happened. But don't you think you're a bit too harsh with me?" she said.

"Liz, I'm not angry at you. It's… it's nothing."

"Yeah… like the reason why you and Marissa broke up… Nothing. You can tell that you're friends, but not you're girlfriend. Why are you shutting me out, Ryan?"

"Liz…" he said softly.

"No… don't start with that. What happened after I was in hospital, Ryan? I want to know!" she said with a demanding voice.

"You wanna know? You really want to know what happened?" he almost yelled at her. Why she couldn't let things be?  
"I was worried; I couldn't explain myself why you drank so much, so I blamed it all on Marissa. I went to the hotel lobby and started to drink… and then I ended up in Marissa's room, yelling at her, saying things at her I never should have said. It ended with her leaving Las Vegas. And now Summer is going after her." He sat down on a chair. That outburst cost him power.

---Tahiti---  
Summer couldn't believe what Marissa just said.  
'Did she just say that there was something going on between them?' she thought to herself. Summer always thought that Julie lied, Marissa wouldn't do that to Ryan. But obviously Summer was wrong.

"Marissa how could you do that to Ryan?" Summer looked unbelieving at her friend.

"Summer… I didn't kiss him…" Marissa said.

"But you… you said something happened between you guys. I mean it doesn't matter who started the kiss…" Summer mentioned. She couldn't hide her disappointment.

"Summer… you don't understand…" Marissa said. It was hard for her to speak clearly. The memories of that day came back…

----------------Flashback---------------------  
Marissa was at her mum's. At the Cooper-Nichol Mansion – or "the house on haunted hill", how Marissa it called.  
Her mum was upstairs, she got dressed for shopping.

The doorbell rang.  
Marissa walked through the large house to the front door. It was probably Summer. She opened up the door and was surprised by who she found standing in front of her.

It was Jason.

"Hey, I thought I pay you a visit. I mean I really have to visit the place the people call "the palace of Newport". That house is huge." he said really impressed.

"Uhm… ok. I can show you the house… but I give you a warning: we have many rooms, so this can take hours." she answered smiling at him.

The both walked through the house. Jason was astonished how large that house was. He knew now why the people call it "palace". They both reached one of the "lounge" rooms. The house got so many rooms that Julie didn't want just one living room. No she insisted on 3. One large living room and two smaller ones – the lounge rooms, how she called them.

They sat down and Marissa turned on the TV. This was definitely an awkward situation.

"Soo how was your day?" she asked just to say something at all.

"Uhm… good and now I'm here with you…so it's getting better and better." he said, looking straight into her eyes.

Marissa turned away, pretending not to have heard the last comment. She stared at the TV, zapping through the channels. 'Why there's never something good on TV when you need it' she thought to herself.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes. Marissa pretending to be very interested in TV and Jason sitting next to her, glancing at her every now and then.

"Marissa… I know you're with Ryan, but you…you can't ignore that tension between us." He turned to her, staring at her.

Marissa couldn't believe what he just had said. Ok that she couldn't just ignore. Her mind was racing. What should she say to something like that? Like he said, she is with Ryan. She loved Ryan.

---  
Julie walked through the house, looking for Marissa. Maybe Marissa would like to come shopping with her. Marissa and her mother got along better. Ok they weren't the best friends, but for Julie "getting along better" meant: no fighting, yelling and swearing for once.

She walked to one of the lounge rooms, where she heard noise coming from.

---  
"Uhm…what…what tension do you mean?" Marissa said innocently. She already knew the answer to that question, but she hoped that he would say something different.

"Oh... Marissa you know what I'm talking about. I mean this tension…"

Suddenly he leaned in and kissed her.

---  
Julie heard voice coming from the lounge room and walked past that room to see who was in there.

"Oh… Marissa you know what I'm talking about. I mean this tension…" Jason said and kissed her.

'Good bye trailer trash kid from Chino…' Julie thought to herself with an evil and satisfied smile on her face. She quietly and quickly left the house. She wanted to give the new dream couple time for themselves.

---  
What Julie didn't saw was Marissa's shocked facial expression.

Marissa broke apart from that kiss and stood up.

"What the hell are you doing? There was and there will be no "tension" between us. I'm with Ryan!" she yelled at him.

"Marissa… come on. I see it in your eyes. I know you don't want to hurt Ryan." he said with a soothing voice, standing up too and touching her upper arm.

"What are you talking about…? I'm in love with Ryan. Accept that!" she glared at him and took some steps backwards.  
Rage was building up inside of her. Her mind was racing again. Did she ever give/send him wrong signals? Did she ever say something to him that he could misinterpret?

"Marissa it's ok…you can't control your feelings. Don't deny your love…our love. We can hide that from Ryan, till you're ready to tell him." He whispered to her while he pushed her against the wall and started to kiss her passionately.

She recognized that she could say what she wanted, he wouldn't believe her.  
She started to panic; this situation was getting out of control. But what should she do?

"Noooo Jason! Let me go!" she yelled at him under hysterical sobs.

Jason's kisses got harder and demanding. His hands began to slide up her shirt. She tried to break free, to get him off of her, but it was no use. He pinned her up against the wall using every ounce of strength of his body to keep her there.  
She felt his breath on her skin, his touches on her body, it all felt so disgusting to her. Her face stained from the tears that were running down her face; her shirt partly torn apart through his hands. She just wished that Ryan would come and save her.

She turned her head to the side. She saw a paperweight on the bookshelf next to her on the wall. She knew that this was her last chance.

She tried to reach the paperweight with one hand and with the last strength that was in her… which wasn't very much, additionally she had to fight against him…his affords to get hold of her by holding her at her wrists.

She could reach the paperweight and hit Jason with it.  
Jason let out a scream full of pain, put his hands to his head and let go of her.

Marissa stood there scared to death for a second, and then she ran to the couch-table, took the next best thing she could find – an empty glass vase - and tried to scare him off with that.

Maybe it was the fact that Jason recognized that Marissa was going to use her "weapon" against him, maybe it was the fact that he just realised what he did or was trying to do… or maybe it was both, he finally ran out of the room, frantically searching for the right way out of the house.

With him escaping through the door, Marissa felt weak. All the power she had just one moment ago had been gone by now. Her legs suddenly felt like jelly, she put down the vase and collapsed to her knees, clutching her head and letting the tears flow down her mascara stained face.

After what seemed to be hours Marissa stood up. She felt filthily and she wanted to get rid of that feeling and her clothes. She went upstairs to her room and looked at her reflection in the mirror. She looked at this broken girl with smudged mascara and tear-stained cheeks.

'Why something like that has always happen to me?' was her only thought.

She stripped off her clothes and got a shower. The warm water felt good on her skin.  
She knew that she couldn't tell anyone what happened. Who would believe her that this "nice guy" would do that?  
How could she have been so blind not to see what was going on? Was that the reason why Ryan was so distant the last time? Did she send Jason the wrong signals? All these questions were burning in her head. She let flow the water over her body, washing away her thoughts.

The shower took her one hour. Over and over again she let flow the water over her body till she thought that this filthy feeling was gone.  
She wrapped herself up in her bathrobe and sat quietly on her bed. Hoping that she would wake up and that all just had been once more a nightmare.

---  
Marissa avoided Jason whenever possible the next days. Jason tried to call her many times, he wanted to apologize to her, but she didn't want to hear his voice or see him neither. No he couldn't just come and say "sorry" that wasn't enough. He could do nothing to undo this, no matter how badly he wanted that.

But the worst thing was that Ryan misinterpreted her reactions. He recognized that she behaved weird around Jason. He could sense that there was something wrong.  
But when he asked her if they hooked up, Marissa couldn't believe it. But somehow she could convince Ryan that nothing had happened…

Till the day Julie made that announcement. (See chapter 5)  
-----------End Flashback---------------------

"Oh my god...Marissa..." Summer had tears in her eyes and hugged her friend. She felt guilty for thinking that Marissa could have hooked up with Jason. And she felt miserable. Marissa kept this secret for so long.

Marissa sat there broken. Her face was once more tear stained. She couldn't believe how real it suddenly felt. Not only these memories came back... with them the emotions came back as well. She thought that she could feel Jason's breath on her skin. She sat there silently for the next minutes. She felt like the day it happened...weak, her legs like jelly and exhausted.

"Marissa... you have to tell Ryan" Summer said quietly.

"Summer... what would it change? Nothing... he moved on." Marissa replied sadly.

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So that was Chapter 12… I really hope you liked it and I hope I get many reviews…I tried to describe the situations more detailed and put more emotions into it sooo I really put a lot of energy in that post… and i know it sorta reminds us of the Trey thing...but that's intended...

luv you all

KiT


	13. What We Once Had

_Hey all )_

_Thank you again for your nice reviews. another update...i'll have two chapters written (ok i wrote them time ago...posted this story already on a forum...but i'll post them one after another..and the time between them...depends on how many reviews i get gg )_

_I used lyrics once again. They are in italic and start with # so you notice them as lyrics. Which song I used I tell you when they are used – because it would tell too much ;)_

**Chapter 13 – or "What We Once Had"**

_Previously on Hear me…_  
_Ryan tells Liz what happened while she was in hospital.  
Summer goes after Marissa and finds her in Tahiti. They have a talk about the past.  
Marissa revealed her secret to Summer_.

"Marissa... you have to tell Ryan" Summer said quietly.

"Summer... what would it change? Nothing... he moved on." Marissa replied sadly.

Summer couldn't reply something to that. They both sat there in silence for the next few minutes, it hurt her to see her best friend like this. Why such things always have to happen to Marissa? Destiny didn't mean it good with Marissa Cooper. Summer didn't really know what she should say or do to console her friend. An "everything will be ok" line wouldn't help this time and was definitively inappropriate.

"Summer? Please don't tell Ryan" Marissa said with a pleading expression on her face.

"But Marissa… I think…" Summer tried to say something but she was cut off by Marissa.

"Summer, please. It would make everything just worse." Marissa answered in a desperate tone.

"Ok I won't tell him…. but I think he should know." Summer said, she knew that she couldn't put Marissa under pressure. Marissa would find the right time to tell Ryan.

**---Las Vegas---**  
Ryan still sat on the chair, on which he collapsed onto just a few minutes ago. He couldn't really describe how he felt. One moment ago his body was full of rage, but now… now he only felt emptiness and in some weird way it felt good. It felt good to feel nothing. This whole trip to Las Vegas messed up his feelings.

Liz sat there still shocked by his sudden outburst. She wanted that he didn't shut her out, but was Ryan yelling at her the better alternative?

"I'm sorry Ryan. I didn't want to put you under pressure. I know sometimes it would be better if I just let things be, but I really felt shut out and…and that hurt me. Don't you trust me enough? You know that you can talk to me about everything and that I'm there for you always." she said with a soft voice.

Ryan could feel her look on his skin. He knew that this was now his turn to say something. But what should he say to her? He didn't really know at the moment.  
"Liz it's just… I don't want to talk about what happened. I don't want to talk about what happened with me and Marissa in the past and I don't want to talk about what happened that night." he said quietly after a long pause.

'He doesn't trust me enough..' Liz thought to herself, but instead of saying what she was thinking she just said: "It's Ok, Ryan. You don't have to if you don't want to, but maybe you will tell me when you're ready."

"Yeah…" Ryan mumbled as he walked out of the room. He went downstairs to the lobby. He sat down in a cosy armchair in a corner, hoping that no one would take notice of him. He had to be alone now - to sort out things with himself. What was going on with him?  
It was like since he's here in Las Vegas he can't control his feelings and emotions. First he yelled at Marissa now at Liz.

"Hey, is it ok if I hang out with you a bit?" Seth asked in his typical "oh-I-see-you're-brooding-again-but-nevertheless-I-will-talk-to-you" voice.

"No" Ryan said monosyllabic.

"Ok" Seth said and made himself comfortable in the armchair right next to Ryan's.

Minutes passed by and no one of them both talked. Seth looked around him. Yeah not talking isn't really Seth's easiest exercise.

"Uhm… we can sit here in silence for hours or we could talk about what you are brooding about? How sounds that to you?"

Ryan just gave him the famous "look"

Seth ignored Ryan's look and went on: "Ok, ok. I see it's about Liz or Marissa. Or because of both of them?"

"It's about both of them. I just talked to Liz about what happened after she got into the hospital… or better I yelled at her. So I guess she wouldn't want me now with her. And when we are talking about people that don't want to see or hear from me… I think Summer's right. I am the least person Marissa wants to see now… or…for a long time. I mean I was really mean… I didn't want to say those things to her. It wasn't my intention to hurt her." Ryan said and continued looking out of the window. Tears burning in his eyes… but he had to fight them. Atwood's don't cry.  
"Honestly…. I thought it would be easier to see her again… I thought that I …" Ryan couldn't finish his sentence. He was never good at talking about his feelings.

"…that you moved on?" Seth asked and Ryan just nodded.

"Ryan I think you should face your feelings. I mean when Summer cheated on me… Ok it was just a kiss, but you know it was a kiss with ZACH… so it kinda more than just a kiss…" Seth said in his typical cohenish way.

Ryan gave him his look.

"Ok… I'm drifting away from the topic. Soooo what I wanted to say is that… that I had to face my feelings, when I saw Summer again. I pushed the thoughts and the emotions away for a long time, but I reached a point where I couldn't do that any longer. And I see you're at that point at the moment. I hate to admit it but Dad is right with this whole listen-to-what-your-heart-is-telling-you-thing. So Ryan, I think you should try to figure out what your heart is telling you. I think it knows what's best for you." Seth said with a soft but determined voice.

Ryan looked surprised at Seth. Sometimes Seth could be serious, a real friend to talk to. He sat there thinking about Seth's advice… technically it was a great idea, but in practice it was very difficult "to listen to his heart"… after all there was no instruction how to identify your own feelings.

"Seth…." Ryan said and Seth looked up to face him "you know what... I know now what I have to do…." Ryan looked at Seth and tapped him on the shoulder. "Thank you" he finally said and stood up.  
Seth looked at him first surprised but then happily "Really?"

He stood up as well and followed Ryan quickly. "Sooo what are you going to do?" he said curious.

"I'm going to Tahiti. Tonight" Ryan finally told him in his hurry.

**---Tahiti, late afternoon (the next day)---**  
Marissa and Summer were sitting in the living room at Jimmy's house.

"Your dad's house is really beautiful." Summer said.

"Yeah and I feel much more at home here than in my mom's" Marissa answered sincerely.

"Concerning your mom, she's really busy with the twins. But they are really cute." Summer said smiling. It was really a wonder that the devilish pair, how Sandy called them, got such sweet children. But let's wait how they will be when they grow up.

"Yeah I know, Caitlin told me that they keep mom busy. She should have better practiced what she preached. She always told me to be careful and then she herself gets pregnant. But hey, the good thing for her is that she now gets way much more money if Caleb and her get divorced." Marissa said with a mocking tone in her voice.

"Sounds like you and your mom didn't have talked much since that night, huh?" Summer asked.

"No… not really. I don't know why I should talk to this woman…" Marissa said with an angry undertone, emphasizing the phrase "this women". Summer understood this hint and dropped the topic.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Marissa changed the subject.

"A walk on the beach – sounds great, but I have to call uhm… Jake… before." Summer lied.

"Sure, you can use the phone in the kitchen." Marissa suggested.

**---Short before in Las Vegas---**  
Ryan and Seth stood at the airport. Once again. Ryan bought a ticket to Tahiti. He just had his wallet and a passport with him. Nothing more. There were several reasons why he hadn't baggage with him. First of all it would have made Liz suspicious. Then there was no need for baggage and no time to pack things.They both were waiting for the announcement that Ryan's plane was boarding.

"Soo you really think that's a good idea, Ryan? I mean Summer didn't call, so we don't even know if Marissa is in Tahiti." Seth said.

"Uhm… if she isn't there then Summer and I will come back immediately. But Seth I have to try – I have to talk to Marissa" Ryan faced Seth and Seth saw in Ryan's look that this was really important to him.

"Ok, I understand but the better question is: Will Liz understand that?"

"I haven't thought of that before…" Ryan looked out of the window, trying to find a solution. He knew that he had to go to Tahiti and there was no time to explain to Liz. Ok, the truth was that Ryan didn't want to explain everything to Liz. She wouldn't take this very well and there was no way that she would understand that, or?  
He had to apologize to Marissa and make sure that she's okay. And for that he had to risk a fight between him and Liz.

"Seth, you have to think of something for me, please. Keep her busy or something like that. I try to be back as soon as possible, ok?" Ryan said after minutes of thinking.

"Keeping her busy? With what – Gambling all day long?" Seth asked unbelieving.  
How should he keep a girlfriend away from her boyfriend for no good reason? She would find out very quickly, but he had to try. He had to try for Ryan; he knew that he couldn't let him down now. Who knows – without Ryan he and Summer maybe wouldn't be together now. Summer told Seth about the conversation Ryan and she had - that Ryan told her to go after him and talk to him.

Ryan saw that Seth hesitated. He had to convince him.  
"Oh come on, Seth. Think of something. Usually you're very creative in thinking of lies." Ryan looked at Seth with puppy dog eyes.

"Don't even try buddy - those eyes maybe work with women but not with me… But, okay I will try my best." Seth finally said and gave him an encouraging smile.

"Thank you" Ryan said "I better get going… look my flight is boarding" he pointed at the departure display. Seth just nodded, hugged him and watched as he walked away.

"Ok…let's start thinking of one of my magnificent Seth-Cohen-Plans."

**---Tahiti---**  
Ryan was outside the airport. He was stunned – this place looked like paradise. Those pictures in the catalogues are beautiful but the truth is that they can't really show the beauty of Tahiti. The blue sky, the palm trees, the hot weather and the blue ocean. Everything you need for perfect holidays was here… too bad that this weren't holidays… this trip was far away from being holidays.  
He was looking for a cab while he took out his cellphone. He had to call Summer.  
Just in that minute he got a call. He looked at the display but it said: unknown ID

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hey Ryan" a voice said.

"Oh, hey Summer" Ryan said. Should he just ask her straight away if she found Marissa? Should he tell her that he was in Tahiti, too? He decided not to ask straight away "So Sum, where are you calling from? It didn't show your ID."

"Actually I'm calling from Mr. Coopers house. It's really nice and he and Hailey look really happy and…" Summer coughed slightly and then went on speaking "…Marissa's here."

Summer noticed a relieved sigh from the other end. Ryan felt relieved, he was really afraid that Marissa could hurt herself or something like that. Memories of Tijuana came back…

"Is she alright?" Ryan asked nearly inaudible, afraid that though she was in Tahiti that something could have happened.

"I wouldn't say she's alright, but if you mean if she did something stupid - no she didn't. I will call you again later, ok? I can't talk very much right now." Summer said.

"Uhm.. Ok..Bye Summer and Thank you" Ryan said quickly.

"Bye" and with that Summer hung up the phone.

**  
---15 minutes later---**  
Ryan stood in front of Jimmy Coopers house. So this was Marisssa's refuge (or retreat?). He looked at the white wooden door. Should he really do that? Should he really talk to her now? He was never a person of many words.  
He inhaled and exhaled heavily one last time before he rang the doorbell. Why he felt so nervous?For him it felt like hours till he heard footsteps from the other side of the door. To his surprise Jimmy opened the door.

"Ryan? Let me guess you wanna talk to Marissa?" Jimmy asked giving him a cheerful smile. Marissa obviously didn't talk to him about what he had said. Otherwise Jimmy wouldn't be so nice and friendly to him.

"Uhm, actually, yes." He answered shortly.

"Summer and Marissa are on the beach. Just follow that path." And he pointed once again at the small path leading to the beach.

"Thank you" Ryan said and gave him a grateful smile. Ryan walked quickly down the path and stopped at the end. He recognized the familiar figures immediately.

He slowly walked up to them. His mind racing about how to start and what exactly to say. He had no plan.

"Hey" he mumbled.

Marissa and Summer looked at him in shock and stood up. Neither of them had expected him.

"Ryan? You… you are here?" Summer finally said after a moment of awkward silence.

"Uhm… yeah" he said turning his gaze from Marissa to Summer.

Summer understood.  
"Uhm… I'll go back to the house. So you guys… can talk." She said quickly and squeezed Marissa's hand, who stood right behind her, like she wanted to tell her with this gesture to be strong and that she's with her mentally. Then Summer went off in the direction of the house. She knew that they now needed time alone to talk.

Minutes passed both just looking at each other.

Marissa first felt happy when she saw that he had followed her, but that happiness quickly was gone. She turned her gaze away of him. She sat back down onto the sand or better… she had to sit down again. Her feet were feeling like jelly once again. She stared at the ocean. The sun was going down again. Coloring the ocean in a beautiful orange tone.

Ryan hesitated a few seconds before sitting down next to her. He looked at her. Marissa's hair flew in the cool breeze. Exactly in that moment she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Even now she looked beautiful, he had to admit.

"Marissa…. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I wish I could undo things" he said softly.

"Is it true?" Marissa asked quietly.

"What?" Ryan asked her not knowing what she was talking about.

"What you said. Is this what you think that I am?" she asked fighting against her own tears.

"Marissa…. I…I was drunk I didn't mean those things that I said. I don't think that you are a drunken… you know what I said." He said looking down.

"Then why did you say that? Why did you have to blame everything on me?" She said facing him. It hurt him to see her like that – nearly breaking down.

"I'm sorry. I know now that it wasn't your fault that Liz drank so much…It was just… when I saw you again…so many emotions and memories came flooding back. I pushed them away for so long and couldn't handle them….so I drank something. I don't know, normally I go brooding or punch people…you know.." he said and he could see that her lips were forming a little smile for a few seconds.

"…but these events happened so fast that there was no time for brooding and there was no one I could punch neither… so I think that's the most likely explanation for why it happened. – but this shouldn't mean that it was right to say that all to you." he said and looked back at the ocean.  
He felt relieved that all this was out, but he was afraid of how she would react – but Marissa didn't react really. She jus sat there continuing to stare at the ocean, saying nothing. He couldn't really read her facial expression.

"I'm sorry too, Ryan" she said after what seemed to be hours. Ryan looked at her with a puzzled face.

"It wasn't my intention to hurt you. I…I just wish that you would have given me the chance to explain everything to you." she said her voice nearly breaking again.

First Ryan didn't know what she was talking about but by now he new it exactly.  
He could feel a painful lump forming in his throat. He didn't like where this conversation was leading to. He had planned that he would apologize and then… yeah what to do or talk about then? He decided that this was his turn to get answers, answers he needed so badly.

"Marissa why? Why you lied to me?" he asked her, not able to look at her.

Marissa sighed desperately. She ran her fingers through her hair. Now there was no way back. She shouldn't have started with that topic. Summers words resounded in her head _'Ok I won't tell him…. but I think he should know'_  
She had now her time to explain everything. She had now the chance to do that what she wanted to do for so long. But somehow she wasn't sure if that was so good now, but she had no other choice now. She took a deep breath and started:

"Ryan…where do I start…my mother…what my mother saw…. wasn't that what it looked like" Ryan looked at her confused while Marissa went on. He didn't really understood by now what she could mean.  
"Ryan I didn't kiss him. He kissed me and my mother just saw in this kiss what she wanted to see. I never was together with Jason" She said looking straight into his blue eyes. Their eyes connecting, Ryan could see that she was sincere, but he had to ask further.

"But why didn't you tell me?"

"Ryan, I…. I couldn't. After the Oliver-story I just couldn't. I was disappointed that I didn't see it coming - that I had fallen into the same hole again. Plus I thought I would loose you. Isn't it ironic, huh? I thought I would loose you by telling you and in the end I lost you by not telling you." She said sadly with an ironic undertone. For one minute she hesitated about telling Ryan about Jason trying to take advantage of her, but she decided not to tell him. Some things were better of not knowing

Ryan's mind was racing. That meant, that they were apart because of…. a lie? He wished that he wouldn't have run away that night. That he would have given her time to explain everything. He understood now that it must have been hell for her to live with this all the time.

"Ryan... How did this get so complicated? Why this between us got so complicated? I mean it's like whenever we are together something happens - it just won't work out between us.." she said sadly looking into the distance.  
"Look at what happened…. even when we are not a couple we fight…." she said her voice sounding sadly with a bit of a sarcastic undertone.

#  
_It's like you and I don't even try to get along  
Like the two of us together are wrong  
It's like you and I can't let the good make up for the bad_

_Guess we can't go back to what we once had…  
# _

"Whatever… I'm glad that I finally got the chance to tell you…. but it won't change anything now… you obviously moved on…." she said trying her best to cover how hurt she was by that fact.

But it didn't help. Ryan noticed it anyways.  
"Marissa…. I lived all the time in the believe that you cheated on me… and then I…I met Eliza… and… it just happened…" Ryan stuttered.

"Ryan you don't need to explain yourself..." Marissa said softly "Maybe we are meant to be friends, huh? Just friends..."

Ryan looked at her. They looked at each other for a few seconds then Ryan mumbled "Maybe…"  
Marissa saw his look and turned away. Did he just say maybe she was right? Maybe they should just be friends?  
Ryan turned his gaze back to the ocean, too. He inhaled the salty scent of the ocean and thought about what she just had said. She was right, he moved on, right? He was now with Eliza and he was happy with her, she was there for him when he needed her. It didn't feel right to Maybe Marissa was right…maybe they were meant to be just friends.

#  
_Don't care about what I said  
Just care about what I've done  
Though years have come and gone  
You know you're still the one  
I love what's left of you  
And I miss what now is gone  
Guess the only thing we've done is moved on  
_

_It's like you and I don't even try to get along  
Like the two of us together are wrong  
It's like you and I can't let the good make up for the bad  
Guess we can't go back to what we once had...  
# _

Marissa couldn't take the silence any longer. "Ryan, I think it's better if you leave….tonight" she said fighting hard against the tears that were stinging in her eyes. She stood up and started walking towards the house.

She had hoped so badly that he would say - No, let's give us one last shot, I love you or something like that – but he didn't. And after seeing this look in his eyes, she knew that he wasn't feeling a single thing that she was feeling.  
No matter how much it hurt her, the fact that he hesitated that long and that he just said "maybe" proofed that what she feared since she met him again…. that he really had moved on. But she knew that she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize his new, happy relationship. So it would be better if he would leave tonight.

After a while Ryan stood up as well. He couldn't really realize what had happened. Was that really what he wanted?

**---Jimmy's house---**  
Summer was waiting for them impatiently. She hoped really that everything would sort out. Marissa was a mess right now and she knew that only Ryan could help her right now. Where are the times when they were the fantastic four? What had happened to them? Was that some kind of "newport curse"? At least Summer and Seth broke curse… maybe Marissa and Ryan could do the same?  
Summer snapped out of her thoughts at the sound of the door swing open.  
A broken Marissa rushed past her. No, that definitely meant nothing good.She followed her upstairs into the guest room.

"Marissa…what…what happened?" she said with a sympathetic voice, making herself comfortable next to Marissa on the bed.

Marissa told her about what happened earlier. Marissa wasn't crying though it was hard for her to speak. She couldn't cry any longer.  
"Summer…he didn't say something… you understand… I hoped so badly that he would protest and say something, but he mumbled just that maybe we should be just friends. Summer that was it for us…as.. lovers… I can't believe it." Marissa said desperately.

"Neither can I" Summer admitted sadly, embracing Marissa in a long hug.

"And I told him to leave tonight. I can't stand him here now…"

"Marissa…. I'm so sorry for you." Summer said consoling her friend.

**---30 minutes later---**  
Ryan sat in the living room of Jimmy's house. Alone. He didn't feel very comfortable, this house and the presence of Marissa here seemed to overwhelm him. He thought about the talk on the beach. Was it really right? Did he move on? Somehow he felt responsible for Eliza, she was there for him when he needed someone. They could have been a happy couple for the next twenty years or more if Marissa wouldn't have told him about the real kiss-story. What had happened? A week ago everything was simple, especially his emotions. Marissa had cheated on him and was the "bad one" – the one to blame. But now things were different and his emotions were a mess. He knew that he really needed time to clear his head and to figure out what he really wanted, but staying here wasn't a good idea. Marissa told him clearly enough that he wasn't welcome here any longer.

The silence in the room was broken by a taxi's horn sounding loudly into the night as it pulled up outside.

Summer ran down the stairs and followed Ryan outside. He had told her that he was leaving and she said that she would drive with him to the airport to say their goodbyes there.

Summer got into the cab but Ryan hesitated. He had hoped that she would come outside. That they could say goodbye….as friends. But she wasn't there and that made him sad.

Suddenly he heard the door behind him swung open.  
He turned around and saw Marissa walking up to him.  
They looked at each other and stood there for what seemed eternity, just taking in everything they could about each other and both trying to find the right words, the right things to say.

"I guess this is goodbye then, huh?" Ryan said quietly.

"Yeah… I guess so." She answered sadly. She watched him getting into the taxi and shutting the door. Her heart ached, how could she let him leave like that? But it was too late, the taxi disappeared into the night and with it Ryan disappeared too.

She couldn't hold back her tears any longer.

_#  
It's like you and I don't even try to get along  
Like the two of us together are wrongIt's like you and I can't let the good make up for the bad  
Guess we can't go back to what we once had…  
# _

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_Sooo this was Chapter 13. As I said the lyrics with the # are from The Perishers – What We Once Had_

_I hope you guys give me your reviews. I really appreciate them and I need them  
and don't be mad at me because it was sooo sad. I don't know why…but I was totally in the mood for it._


	14. It’s Just A Ride, It’s Just A Ride

_Hey everyone)  
Tadaaaaa a new chapter...__  
_

_Again I used lyrics – but again I can't give you the title and the band… it would say too much _

**Chapter 14 – It's Just A Ride, It's Just A Ride... to the airport**

"I guess this is goodbye then, huh?" Ryan said quietly.

"Yeah… I guess so." She answered sadly. She watched him getting into the taxi and shutting the door. Her heart ached, how could she let him leave like that? But it was too late, the taxi disappeared into the night and with it Ryan disappeared too.

She couldn't hold back her tears any longer.  
One tear after another made its way down her cheeks while she kept staring in the direction where the cab drove into – the direction where the person she loved so much disappeared…. maybe for forever…

After awhile she turned around and went inside her dad's house. She didn't get what her father was asking her while she went upstairs, his concerned voice sounded like million miles away.  
Everything seemed like million miles away. Everything except the consciousness that she lost the one person she never wanted to loose in her life.

Marissa was now in her room, standing in front of one of the windows. She stared out of it, but she didn't get something from the beautiful view. She stood there, tired of crying and desperately in need of time for processing everything. But was there a way she would process this… and was she really willing to process this? That would make it all too real… wouldn't it?

Memories of the past came flooding back to her mind. Memories of good times. Ryan and her having fun, kissing, being happy together - being in love.  
She couldn't and didn't want to realize that she had to let go of that all.

In the background music played, she had turned on earlier…

_#Lou Barlow - Legendary#  
I know you've given all that you can give to me  
I know there'll come a day I understand  
Until then I'll be trying to solve your mystery  
And Wonder why I couldn't make you stay_

'How true… why I couldn't make him stay?' she thought bitterly to herself.

---Meanwhile in the cab to the airport---  
Ryan and Summer sat silent in the car. Ryan stared intently out of the window, pretending there was something interesting outside.

For Summer it wasn't that easy sitting there and pretending to be interested in the landscape, just to avoid a conversation. She wanted to talk with him and she would do that.  
She had to make sure that two of her best friends wouldn't make a big mistake.  
She knew that if Ryan wouldn't have encouraged her to talk to Seth, she wouldn't be together with Seth by now. He made her see what she was too blind and too proud for to see - that she still loved Seth and that this was the only thing that mattered. That she had to forget her pride or her  
Now it was her turn to return him this favor. It was her turn to make Ryan see something very important. She just hoped that her senses hadn't fooled her… that it wasn't over.

---In Las Vegas---  
Seth took a cab back to the hotel. He wondered how he should cover Ryan's departure. Spending much time with Liz would make her suspicious, but leaving her all alone in this hotel room would make her even more suspicious. Sooner or later she would try to find Ryan.

'Hmm… maybe my 'gambling-all-day-long' plan wasn't that bad…' he thought to himself, but in the end he decided to tell everything Luke. He would help him, wouldn't he?

---Tahiti – cab to the airport---  
"Ryan is this really what you want?" Summer said solemnly. She had decided to break the silence. She couldn't hold back any longer.

"What.. what do you mean?" Ryan turned to her but avoided to look her in the eyes. Sure he knew what she was talking about, but he had tried so hard to avoid this conversation till now – he didn't want to have this conversation. How should he answer honestly if he himself even didn't really know if this was how he wanted it?

"Ryan… I mean this here. Driving to the airport, running away and leaving things like that." Summer said softly.

"I'm not running away… it's just…" he didn't know what he should say… he wasn't running away…no he wasn't…. or was he?

"Look… Ryan… do you still love Marissa?" she asked directly but with a soft voice. She didn't want him to be upset but she wanted this to be a serious talk and hoped that Ryan finally would open up and wouldn't evade her questions.

Ryan looked a bit shocked by Summers directness, but hey… we're talking about Summer Roberts, she always was the direct one.  
His mind was racing, what should he say… just hours ago he said to Marissa that they should be just friends and Marissa surely told that Summer – so that should be answer enough. Then why was she asking those things? Did she want to punish him with all these questions for hurting Marissa?

"I'm with Eliza now! She was there when I needed her. She's sweet and we're happy together." he said defiantly. Yeah at least they were happy together till Ryan found out that Marissa and he broke up because of a lie…

Ryan reacted like Summer had expected it… defiantly. He evaded her questions.  
"Ryan that's not that what I asked you…" Summer said.

Ryan didn't answer and stared out of the car window.

"Ryan… do you remember… not so long ago somebody told me that no answer can be an answer too." she smiled by the thought of the situation. Ryan turned to her and gave her a short half smile; he knew what situation she was talking about. He had told her that in refer to Seth in Las Vegas.

"Ryan please stop evading my questions. I'm not here to torture you with them as a punishment because I'm Marissa's best friend. Honestly. Ryan, I'm here as your friend. And as a friend I don't want to see you unhappy or get hurt. You understand?  
I.. I don't want you to be with someone just because of responsibility or so? I don't want you to be with Eliza if in reality you wish she was someone else. You don't have to response something now – I just want you to think about it till we are at the airport. If you believe at the airport that flying back to Las Vegas and being with Eliza is that what you want - then I won't be the one that stops you." Summer said softly.

Ryan nodded and Summer turned around to look out of the window. She did what she could do.

---Las Vegas---  
Seth told Luke where Ryan went to and why.  
"So he wants Marissa back, Seth?" Luke asked.

"Uhm… honestly. I don't have a clue. You know Ryan Atwood and feelings – a difficult affair." Seth said.

"Yep. So what should we do to divert Liz from Ryan's departure? Any good ideas, Cohen?"

"What about going shopping?" Seth asked.

Lukes eyes widened…"No… I'm definitely not going shopping with a girl. Do you want to punish me Cohen? That would take hours… and this whole "which dress looks better on me?" thing isn't mine. Besides that, doesn't she have to stay in bed?"

"Good point… good point. You know what; let's pay her a visit, maybe I get one of my great ideas then." Seth suggested. Luke just shrugged.

Minutes later….  
Knock, knock

"Come in" Liz said annoyed. She couldn't stop thinking about the fight she and Ryan had before. She could kick herself mentally for putting Ryan under pressure. She should have known that putting him under pressure isn't the right way to make him tell her everything.

'But why doesn't he trust me enough?' she thought to herself. This fact hurt her. She had thought that after all the times she had listened to him before, all the times she had been there for him, made him trust her.  
She knew about his past in Chino, about moving to Newport, his new life there…about everything. Wait. No she didn't know about everything. From the beginning on he left out and avoided the "Marissa Cooper" topic whenever it was possible. Very mysterious… but she hadn't enough time to think about this further. She was interrupted by Seth and Luke.

"Hey… we.. we wanted to pay you a visit… you know.. looking how you're feeling and so..." Seth said slightly nervous. Would his Seth-Cohen-lying-skills were enough this time?

"Uhm… thank you… I'm feeling better." Liz answered.

Awkward silence. Seth's gaze wandered through the room, pretending to be veeery interested in the furnishings.  
'Note to myself… spontaneous plans are not really one of my strengths.' Seth thought to himself.

"Are you looking for something in particular, Seth?" Liz asked slightly distracted. Ryan had told her that Seth can be weird sometimes, but she thought he was just kidding. Obviously not.

"No, no I was just… just looking around. Very beautiful room."

"Seth, your room is identical to this one." Liz said.

"Uhm now that you mention this… I knew I know this furnishings from somewhere…it's really identically to my room…. Soo I think we're leaving now to give you time to rest.." Seth said embarrassed, while putting his hand on the doorknob.

"Wait… Seth you're Ryan's brother and best friend… aren't you?" Liz questioned him.

Seth thought about what he should answer to this question. He had the feeling that this wasn't leading to somewhere good.  
"Uhm.. yes." he answered nearly inaudible. He was a bit nervous now… he didn't knew what would come now…was Liz already suspicious? But she didn't give him enough time to think further.

"I had a lot of time to think… I recognized that Ryan told me very much about his past, but he always left out Marissa, their relationship, their break up and the reasons for it. I…I just can't understand that he's shutting me out. He even yelled at me because I pressured that topic too much…"

"Oh… for that he's really sorry…" Seth threw in.

"So I see he talked to you about it. Seth I want to be honest with you. It concerns me that he's shutting me out about that… the only reason I can think of why he's doing this is that still means a lot to him. That she.. the he.. that they are not over this relationship thing… I don't want to fight if there's nothing to fight for. So am I right, Seth?'" Liz asked anxious.

Seth felt more and more uncomfortable in this conversation… so did Luke.  
"Uhm… I think I will go…downstairs and prepare the party…. so you two… can talk alone." Luke stuttered.

Seth looked at Luke with pleading eyes. He couldn't do that to him now…  
"Which party do you exactly mean… I mean now that everybody is gone?" Seth said and regretted his words at the same time.

"What do YOU mean with 'now that everybody is gone', Seth?" Liz asked with a puzzled look.

Seth could kick himself mentally right now.

---In the cab---  
Ryan sat in the cab. He thought about what Summer had said.  
His mind was racing once again… should he just leave Tahiti and leave Marissa and their past behind? He wasn't sure if Marissa and he ever would get the chance to be "just" friends, though both kinda agreed on that.  
He remembered the night after he saw Marissa and DJ kissing – the kick off carnival.

---------Flashback---------  
Marissa stood at the ferries wheel by herself, she saw Ryan and put her hand up to wave. Ryan decided to walk over to her – to face her after what had happened yesterday.

"I was going to tell you" Marissa started.

"No you weren't, I asked you point blank an you lied" Ryan said dryly.

"I didn't lie..." Marissa protested.

"Marissa"

"What was I supposed to do – wait for you? You weren't coming back!" she said upset.

"I wanted you to tell me the truth" he answered a bit hurt.

Marissa looked away while Ryan faced her.

"His name's D.J, he works for my parents so we had to keep it a secret...from everyone...but we're not seeing each other anymore…" Marissa said.

"…after last night when he found out about me right." Ryan continued her sentence. Marissa gave him a 'not funny' look.  
"…look I'm sorry… for right now we should...we should just be friends." Ryan said seriously.

"Friends? Ryan we're not friends - we were never just friends." Marissa said defiantly.  
---------End Flshback---------

Was she right? Were they never just friends – could they never be just friends?  
Then Eliza came to his mind. He remembered that Summer had said he shouldn't be with someone just because of responsibility…

"Summer did I get that right… you think that I chose Eliza just because of responsibility? How can you say that… you know her only a few days and you don't even know what we went through together.." Ryan protested.

"Ryan… I meant that you shouldn't mistake _'just friends'_ feelings for_ 'in love' feelings_. The first thing you said after 'I'm with Eliza' was _'She was there for me when I needed her'_. And that made me wonder…shouldn't you say _'because I love her'?_  
I want you to be with someone because you love that person and not because you think that you owe the person that." Summer said and thought a few seconds about what to say next.

"And yes, you're right. I don't know exactly what you two guys went through, but I know what you and Marissa went through. And that was a lot, and though you two had your break ups, you always ended up together again. Ryan I saw how you… no better I saw how you both reacted when you saw each other again on the plane. For a moment there were these sparkles between you and her again." She said softly.  
She inhaled and started with a determined voice: "So Ryan tell me that you don't love her anymore - that there aren't feelings from your side anymore, tell me that you haven't thought about the things that I told you now, before.  
Tell me that you're not questioning if your decision was right – tell me all that right to my face, Ryan and I won't ask further. But if you can't answer all these questions with a 'no' than it is better if you open up your eyes and start being true to yourself. Listen to what your heart is telling you and forget about what your mind is saying."

Ryan was astonished how good Summer had noticed all these things. He was surprised that Summer could be that serious and understanding. He felt bad for judging her always as the superficial one.

Wasn't he true to himself?  
His mind was telling him to be with Eliza, but was his heart telling him the same thing?  
He hadn't taken notice of it before, but he always used the 'because she was there for me' reason and never the 'because I love her' one.  
'So I should listen to my heart… if that would be so easy I would have done it already..' Ryan thought and let out a sigh. On the one hand there was Eliza. She was a wonderful person, understanding and beautiful… but there was something missing.  
And then there was Marissa… only by the thought of her he felt this warm feeling flowing through his body. Why he hadn't noticed this earlier… this feeling he gets when he thinks of her?  
'Maybe you didn't want to notice it… maybe you didn't want to have to face these feelings..' a voice inside of said.

"You're right…" Ryan said nearly inaudible, his voice sounding a bit broken.  
"… I still have strong feelings for Marissa… though so much happened and though we haven't seen each other for so long – I still have these feelings. Normally these feelings would make me happy…. but now… they only make me frighten.  
She's the only one that can hurt me… and that is what I'm afraid of… that she hurts me again. She did it before.." he admitted quietly the end of the sentence nearly whispering.

---Ryan's POV---  
He had said it… the thing that tortured him. That was the reason why he never noticed his feelings or better why he kept pushing away these feelings.  
He never wanted to admit weaknesses or fears, but Marissa hurting him again was definitely one. Though they haven't seen each other for awhile, Marissa still had this power over him. This power that he couldn't control. And he hated being not in control over his feelings.  
Somehow it embarrassed him to pour his heart out to Summer. First of all he never realized that they were this close, but after she opened up to him in Las Vegas, he felt like he could do now too. And then he wasn't good at talking about his feelings. Atwoods sort out their feelings and problems on their own… but sometimes you need the help of others.

---  
Summer couldn't believe that he really had opened up to her, but she appreciated it. She knew that he didn't do that often and besides that she understood what he meant.The memories of the time after Marissa left for college and this kiss-thing came back to her mind. A though time for Ryan. He was devastated. He started brooding again; he refused to talk to someone or even to open up the door to the pool house. He didn't eat much during this time and everyone was really worried about him.

"Ryan… I understand you. But don't you think you should be telling these things to Marissa? I think it's important that she knows that.  
You know that was always the problem between the two of you. You never talked about your problems or feelings. There were so many misunderstandings.  
But I'm sure that I can tell you…it never was Marissa's intention to hurt you. She made mistakes, but she loves you the same way you love her and believe me she suffered just like you did. It's like you two can't control being in love…" Summer said rolling her eyes.

After a short pause she continued "Ryan this is maybe be the last chance for you two. Don't just choose the easier or better the safer way by leaving now and being with Eliza to not get hurt again. The trouble with love is that it can tear you up inside, but it can give soo much joy too. So if you have feelings for Marissa than risk something and choose the maybe more difficult way." Summer said, trying to encourage him.

Summer looked at Ryan… she tried hard to interpret it his facial expression… but with no luck… she had to wait and see. The cab driver had turned on the radio. A song started to play…

_Everybody knows  
That I was such a fool  
To ever let go of you  
But baby I was wrong_

Ryan started to listen closer to the song….

_And yeah I know I said  
We'd be better off alone  
It was time that we moved on  
I know I broke your heart  
I didn't mean to break your heart_

_But baby here I am  
Banging on your front door  
My pride's spilled on the floor  
My hands and knees are bruised  
And now I'm crawling back to you  
Begging for a second chance  
Are you gonna let me in?  
I was running from the truth  
And now I'm crawling back to you_

"You see even the radio says that you should go back to her. So tell me this isn't a sign…" Summer said smiling mischievous.

Ryan didn't really believe in signs, but this time he couldn't help but thinking that this couldn't be just a coincidence. He knew what he had to do.

"Taxi driver we're not driving to the airport…. we're driving back!" he said determined.

Summer let out a deep-drawn sigh and said "Finally… I thought I have to kick your ass to make you say that!".

"Summer… Seth can be happy to have a girlfriend like you." Ryan said giving her a thankful smile.

"I know"

"Oh.. uhm…sooo when we are talking about Seth… Seth doesn't have to know that we had this conversation about… you know…feelings and stuff like that.." Ryan said a bit embarrassed.

"I don't know what conversation you are talking about… we hadn't such a conversation, right?" Summer said winking.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_Soooo that was Chapter 14  
First of all thank you again for being so patient with me and for reading. I hope you enjoyed it… I don't know if the title of that chapter was appropriate but I couldn't imagine another one. I know that not thaaaaaat much happened but yeah...  
To the lyrics: the first lyrics were from Lou Barlow's song Legendary and the song in the cab was Crawling back to you from the Backstreet Boys.  
Soo please review… you know hat makes me happy_


	15. Been Far Away For Far Too Long

_hey all )_

_soo here is the latest chapter. i'm trying to post a new chapter soon. )_

_A/N: the parts with the are again a lyrics part….. the song is called "far away" from nickelback (I looooove nickelback at the moment)….. I recommend listening to that song while reading those parts._

**Chapter 15 – Been far away for far too long**

Marissa was still in her room. Jimmy could hear her crying, but she refused to talk to him. All he knew was that the reason for the state his daughter was in had to be Ryan. He had left so abruptly – no good sign.

For Marissa time stood still and she didn't even care at all. She sat huddled up on an armchair in front of her panorama window. She looked up at the sun that was shining down brightly outside. Normally she loved the sun. It filled her with energy but now the sun only made everything worse.  
She just wished for rain…. the perfect weather to reflect her mood.  
She had given up crying long ago… and tried to get further with processing that he's gone. Most likely for forever. At the moment she was now caught in-between of two emotions: anger and desperation.

Anger at herself and at Ryan.  
Once again she couldn't tell him that she loved him and maybe she would never get the chance to tell him that again. And angry at Ryan that he gave up on their love. How come that he wasn't in love with her anymore and could move on, while she couldn't get rid of those feelings? Why she was left now in this mess called her life, while he could go on and live happily ever after with Eliza?

_The hurtful truth was: her life just didn't work without Ryan._

It hasn't and it won't. The time without him in college was hell for her. She tried to concentrate on college, but failed miserably. Her thoughts always got back to Ryan and how he must feel at the moment and how much she missed him. The fact that they broke up because of a lie and that she had to leave everything so unfinished hadn't made it any easier. Sure, she wanted to call him – to talk to him, like when he was in Chino with Teresa, but somehow she wasn't able to. She couldn't bring herself to dial his number. What was she supposed to say anyways? 'Hi Ryan, it's me – the girl who broke your heart…'?  
And yet she still couldn't think of a life without him and had hoped so badly for a "happy end"

_He was everything, everything that I wanted  
We were meant to be, supposed to be  
But we lost it  
All the memories so close to me just fade away  
All this time you were pretended  
So much for my happy ending  
#(Avril Lavigne – My Happy Ending)_

Ryan looked out of the window. The landscape rushed past him and with every minute he got closer to Marissa. His mind was racing; he finally was true to himself and figured out his feelings for her. The only thing left to do now was to tell her. Simple in theory but very difficult in reality.

But he knew to get her back he had to open up, for once he had to confess his feelings for her, though talking about feelings wasn't his specialty.  
But what if she was too hurt and proud to take him back?  
He pushed the thought away very quickly; the desire to see her, to touch her, to finally feel her again was stronger than any doubt.

_This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait?  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
Cause you know,  
You know, you know_

_That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
And you'll never go  
Stop breathing  
If I don't see you anymore_

There he stood in front of Jimmy's house. He sighed deeply and turned around to see Summer smiling at him reassuringly.

"Go get her Ryan" she said encouraging. Ryan smiled back and started walking towards the house, having no plan what to say or to do.

"Oh…hey…Ryan" Jimmy said a bit unfriendly.

"Uhm..Hi… I'm here to see Marissa…can I come in?" Ryan blurted out.

"I don't think that's a good idea right…" but Ryan just stormed past Jimmy. He knew it was rude but at the moment nothing and no one could stop him now from seeing Marissa.

He looked at her closed door, sighing one last time and finally opening it. He looked around in the room and found Marissa standing in front of the panorama window.

Marissa heard someone closing the door, but she didn't bother further. She already knew who it was or at least she thought so.

Silence filled the room. Silence that gave Ryan the time to desperately find the right words to start, but he couldn't find them. Really… in theory everything seemed so much easier…

"Sum, I've lost him… why couldn't I make him stay?" Marissa asked out of the blue, her voice nearly cracking.

"You haven't lost me… you will never loose me, Marissa." Ryan answered softly, his heart aching by her hurt voice.

Marissa was shocked, turned around but dared not to look at him.  
She couldn't believe it that he really was here. This sandy blonde guy with these unbelievable blue eyes, the guy that had turned her world upside down ever since she met him.  
Sure, subconsciously she had wished for him to come, but now having him here made her somehow wish otherwise. She was unsure if she could handle seeing him yet.

For the first time since Ryan had entered her room she looked up and caught his eyes for a brief moment before she returned her gaze quickly to the floor again.

It hurt Ryan to see her in the state she was in. Her eyes were red and puffy from the crying and he could sense from her nearly inaudible sobs that she was on the verge of breaking down again.

Ryan instinctively rushed over to Marissa wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him. At first Marissa's body stiffened and she tried to free herself from his embrace but she didn't succeed. Ryan didn't want to let go of her, he was holding onto her frail body as tightly as he could.  
Soon her body relaxed to his touch and Ryan could feel warm tears soaking his shirt.

"It's okay, cry, let it out, whatever you want… I'm here, Marissa." Ryan said softly, rubbing her back soothingly.

And she did. Ryan's presence and his words had such an impact on Marissa that all the feelings she felt since they broke up came to the surface, leaving her crying even heavier into Ryan's chest. Her fragile frame was shaking violently under her hysterical sobs.

Ryan had never seen her cry this hard before, but he did his best to comfort her.

_On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up  
Cause you know,  
you know, you know_

_That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long_

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
And you'll never go  
Stop breathing  
If I don't see you anymore_

They stayed like that for several minutes until Marissa was no longer crying.  
For Ryan it felt so right to comfort her, to finally just be with her. He wondered why he had ever questioned his love for her.  
He lifted her chin up with his fingers and looked Marissa straight into her red and puffy eyes. He wanted to ensure that he would tell her the one thing he came for.

"I love you" he nearly whispered, looking at her full of love and warmth.

Marissa looked him unbelieving in his eyes. Was it really true….did he still love her? So many thoughts were running through her head suddenly again. But before she could express her worries, doubts and questions Ryan leaned in and gave her a passionate but tender kiss filled with so much love that it washed away all her doubts for now.

_So far away, so far away  
Been far away for far too long  
So far away, so far away  
Been far away for far too long  
But you know  
You know, you know_

"I'm sorry for ever leaving you." Ryan whispered into her ear while holding onto her tightly. She didn't respond anything, for her it felt good to feel his protective arms around her finally again. They didn't need words now - they were simply enjoying being in each other's embrace.

_I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe me  
Hold on to me and  
Never let me go_

After a while Ryan pulled away and sat down on Marissa's bed. He patted the spot next to him, signalling Marissa she should come over and sit down as well. She walked over to Ryan a bit nervous and sat down beside him. They stared at each other – so many unsaid things and unanswered questions lingering in the air.

"I think we should talk about what happened. I know we talked already on the beach, but there are so many things that are left unsaid between us." he said softly.

Marissa understood and nodded. "Look, Ryan I…." but she was cut off.

"Marissa, wait. I think it's my turn to open up." he said and paused for a few seconds, thinking of the right words.

"I love you and I'm sorry that I left you. I don't know why I left you. I mean I do. The reason is that I was so scared of what I felt for you. These feelings were so… intense. Even after the time we were apart. I didn't know how to deal with them so I just took the easier way and ran away. But thank god I've had someone who stopped me." Ryan said giving her one of his half-smiles.

"And what about today on the beach? I hadn't the impression that you saw anything else than a friend in me and you didn't do anything to proof me different, don't you think?" Marissa said harshly, a little more harshly than she actually had intended. Sure, his words made her heart beat faster immediately, but at the same time she got more and more confused. She didn't know how she should interpret this situation. Just a few hours ago they sat on the beach and he kind of gave up on their love and now he was here confessing his love for her? Somehow that made no sense for Marissa.

Ryan had expected this reaction so he continued "Look I know what I said. I thought I made the right decision. A long time I thought that I had moved on and that there were no feelings left for you, except anger and disappointment. I mean it was easy to convince myself of that all the time. I was mad at you because I thought you had hooked up with Jason.  
But then you told me that this wasn't the case and my before so clear feelings were suddenly a mess. I suddenly felt feelings for you that I thought I hadn't anymore, but I somehow felt obliged to push them away. Not only because it was unfair towards Eliza, no the more likely and more important explanation is the fact that still having them frightened me. Frighten in the meaning of afraid to get hurt again. Marissa these feelings….they make me vulnerable…. vulnerable to you. You know I'm not good at admitting fears, but you hurting me is definitely one." Ryan admitted his voice nearly cracking towards the end.

Marissa didn't know what to say, she had never heard Ryan talking that honest about his feelings before. But before she could say something he went on:

"And in the cab I came to two important realizations. I started to realize my feelings for you and the consequences of my decision. Something that Summer said made me think. She said that I shouldn't just choose the easier or the safer way by leaving you and being with Eliza to just not get hurt again.  
And she was right. When I realized that the consequence of my decision was maybe never having you back in my life again, I had to ask myself if I really wanted this. And I didn't. I couldn't take the thought of letting you walk out of my life just like that. That was when I told the cab driver to turn the cab around."

Marissa's heart melted at his words. She took in everything he had just said to her, everything that had washed away all the doubts and worries that had tormented her previously.  
She leant in and crashed her lips against Ryan's, kissing him passionately.  
Ryan hadn't expected this reaction, but he would be lying if he said that he didn't like it. Their kiss grew more and more passionate making up for the time they had been apart.

They broke away after a while of their passionate make-out session, leaving both gasping slightly as they rested their foreheads against one another. A smile played across of both of their faces, expressing their feelings: joy – joy that they are in each other's arms again.  
Both lay down on her bed and Marissa instantly snuggled up next to him, laying her head on his chest.

"Ryan..?" Marissa asked sweetly.

"Hmm….?"

"I love you" she said softly.

"Thank you" Ryan responded grinning widely.

"Hey…!" Marissa said with a playfully mad voice.

Ryan responded seriously but sweetly "I love you Marissa, I always have and I always will."

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What do you say? I know I wrote chapters previously that were longer, but better a shorter chapter than no chapter __. soooo fluffy stuff for us r/m lovers... i know this chapter maybe sounds like an ending but it isn't...there will follow (hopefully) maaany chapters  
_

_Pleaaaaseeee post reviews…Let me know what you think of that chapter. It took me soo long to write this chapter. Somehow I feel like writing drama is easier for me than writing fluffy stuff. And this time I wasn't sure where to put that song lyrics into, all I knew was that I soooo had to use this song gg._

_thanks to the people that already have reviewed ) _


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